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Many of the articles posted within the emotional feelings network of sites were found at the website above... thanks so much & be sure to visit
them! There's so much information to be found there!
kathleen
welcome to night eating!
Please read the following as it contains important information for optimal site
navigation!
  If you haven't visited the homepage, you're missing out on some important info, so I'll just give you a "heads up" here!
You've reached "night eating," part of the emotional feelings network of sites. If you scroll
down to the footer on this page, you'll see the complete listing of all the sites in the network!
All of the sites
in the emotional feelings network of sites are linked together thru a very complete network of underlined link words. Anytime you see an underlined link word, if you should be
interested in more information concerning that word, simply click on it & a new browser window will appear. The page that
opens up will give you an entire page filled with information concerning the word of
your interest.
the emotional feelings network
of sites was designed like this because as an ex-night eater, I was also faced with many other life dysfunctions,
mental illness I was unaware of, domestic violence, a lack of any positive self esteem & so much more....
As I began my recovery,
I began to slowly discover how all of the subjects contained within the emotional feelings network
of sites are connected to each other. Soon I also discovered that there's power in educating yourself about it
all.
As you gain power thru your newly acquired knowledge, you begin to regain a
sense of control. As you begin to feel better, you become stronger & you're more able to begin your own journey
thru recovery & personal growth. Once you begin, you will see how the subjects contained within this network of sites
really is... all pertinent information for you - as a night eater!
visit the homepage for a better understanding of what's contained within the emotional feelings network of
sites!
thanks for stopping by.... i hope that something
within the network will be of use to you today....
kathleen
 
to send me an e-mail...
anyone need to ask a question, say hello or just
need to chat.... click the above link to send email
now!
you may also want to visit children 101 to read more about abuse & trauma
in childhood! click here to go there now!
what can cause a person
to develop anxiety disorders, depression & eating disorders?
one answer might be - abuse. what traumas have you experienced in your lifetime?
have you experienced some form
of abuse? can you remember?
let's look at abuse first....
How to Cope With Abuse
by Sam Vaknin
Violence in the family often follows other forms of more subtle & long-term abuse:
- verbal
- emotional
- psychological
- sexual
- financial
It's
closely correlated with:
Most
abusers & batterers are males - but a significant minority are women. This being a "Women's Issue," the problem was swept under the carpet for
generations & only recently has it come to public awareness.
Yet,
even today, society - i.e., thru the court & the mental health systems - largely ignores domestic violence & abuse in the family.
This induces feelings of shame & guilt in the victims & "legitimizes" the role of the abuser.
Violence in the family is mostly spousal - one spouse beating, raping, or otherwise physically harming &
torturing the other. But children are also & often victims - either directly, or indirectly.
Other vulnerable familial groups include the elderly & the disabled.
Abuse & violence cross geographical & cultural boundaries & social & economic strata. It's common among the rich & the poor, the well-educated & the less so, the young
& the middle-aged, city dwellers & rural folk. It's a universal phenomenon.
Abusers
exploit, lie, insult, demean, ignore (the "silent treatment"), manipulate & control.
There are many ways to abuse.
Verbal abuse
The list is long. Most abusers abuse surreptitiously. They're "stealth abusers". You have to actually live with one in order to witness the abuse.
the effects of abuse,
the symptoms of eating disorders... they both interact in combination to hold your body and mind
hostage...
abuse
doesn't go away when the act is over... it eats away at you, every minute of every day.... it's not that easy to forget about
it.... ever... fear of more abuse, the next time, the hyper arousal... the fear... living
in fear.... the total inability to control what is happening to you... it's so frightening.... it's all encompassing
though...
i truly don't believe that those who
have not been abused can understand how it's part of you... it's part of how you look at yourself in the mirror every day...
it's part of your inner thoughts every minute, part of your deepest feelings, innuendoes of confusion, fear and guilt, shame
and always wondering when it will happen again...
the biggest question: why me? how can
someone hurt me like this? i hate it, it's disgusting!
i don't want it to ever happen again.. why can't someone save me
from it? why is it happening? did i do something to cause it? why can't i hide from it?
kathleen
when life is so painful that you can't
cope... you can't live in it... you have to do something.... i believe that eating disorders begin when the ability to cope
rationally ends...
it doesn't even matter how smart you are... how attractive you
are... how old you are.... who you are... where you live...
it's all encompassing...
What Is an Eating Disorder?
Eating disorders
are illnesses in which the victims suffer severe disturbances in their eating behaviors & related thoughts & emotions. Those suffering from eating disorders typically become obsessed with food & their body weight as well.
Eating disorders
affect some several million people at any given time, most often women between the ages of 12 & 35. There are 2 main types of eating disorders, anorexia nervosa & bulimia nervosa; a 3rd disorder, binge eating disorder, is still being examined.
People with anorexia
nervosa & bulimia nervosa tend to be perfectionists who suffer from low self-esteem & are extremely critical
of themselves & their bodies. They usually “feel fat” & see themselves as overweight, sometimes even despite life-threatening semi-starvation (or malnutrition).
An intense fear of gaining weight & of being fat may become
all pervasive. In early stages of these disorders, patients often deny that they have a problem.
In many cases, eating disorders occur together with other psychiatric disorders like anxiety, panic, obsessive
compulsive disorder & alcohol & drug abuse problems.
New evidence suggests that heredity may play a part in why certain people develop eating disorders, but these disorders also
afflict many people who have no prior family history.
Without treatment
of both the emotional & physical symptoms of these disorders, malnutrition, heart problems
& other potentially fatal conditions can result. However,
with proper medical care, those suffering from eating disorders can resume suitable eating habits & return to better emotional & psychological health.
it's newton's third law... for every
action there is an equal & opposite reaction....
cause and effect...
think about it...
good news.. you can overcome it.. you
can learn how to cope... it's very difficult but very rewarding!
In my own personal experience with abuse, "There
was always an underlying fear that we were really "broke." I'd hand over my paycheck, I never got a real allowance or any
spending money. I'd have to account for every penny at the grocery store. He'd examine the receipt when I got home, put his
hand out for the remaining pocket change, and berate me for certain purchases. If I took too long at the store, he was angry
when I returned. I began to believe that we couldn't even afford tampons for me. When I got my period, I'd make up pads with
toilet paper, hoping I wouldn't use too much of that either, so he wouldn't get mad about that... he'd want to know how many
squares of toilet paper everyone used to wipe then.... he'd even grill the children over it..."
"in the
end... of our marriage that is, he left without sending me any money, i had 3 children, expenses, i didn't know what to do....
one day i got the mail and found a bank statement had come from a bank i'd never heard of.... it was addressed to my husband
only, i opened it to find he had been stashing money the whole time he had been telling me how broke we were.... my husband was a police officer."
kathleen
There are 3 important categories of abuse:
Overt Abuse
The open & explicit abuse of another person.
- Unceremoniously discarding
are all forms of overt
abuse.
Covert or Controlling Abuse
Abuse is almost entirely about control.
It's
often a primitive & immature reaction to life circumstances in which the abuser (usually in
his childhood) was rendered helpless. It's about re-exerting one's identity, re-establishing predictability, mastering the environment - human & physical.
The bulk of abusive behaviours can be traced to this panicky reaction to the remote potential for loss of control. Many abusers are hypochondriacs (& difficult patients) because they're afraid to lose control over their body, its looks & its proper functioning.
They're
obsessive-compulsive in an effort to subdue their physical habitat & render it foreseeable. They stalk people & harass
them as a means of "being in touch" - another form of control.
To the abuser, nothing exists outside himself. Meaningful others are extensions,
internal, assimilated, objects - not external ones. Thus, losing control over a significant other - is equivalent to losing control of a limb, or of one's brain. It's terrifying.
Independent or disobedient people
evoke in the abuser the realization that something is wrong w/his worldview, that he isn't the center of the world or its
cause & that he can't control what, to him, are internal representations.
To the abuser,
losing control means going insane. Because other people are mere elements in the abuser's mind - being unable to manipulate them literally means losing it (his mind).
Imagine, if you suddenly were to find out that you can't manipulate your memories or control your thoughts ... Nightmarish!
In his frantic efforts to maintain control or re-assert it, the abuser resorts to a myriad of fiendishly inventive stratagems & mechanisms.
Here is a partial list:
Unpredictability & Uncertainty
The abuser acts unpredictably, capriciously, inconsistently & irrationally. This serves to render others dependent upon the next twist & turn of the abuser, his next inexplicable whim, upon his next outburst, denial, or smile.
The
abuser makes sure that HE is the only reliable element in the lives of his nearest & dearest - by shattering the rest
of their world thru his seemingly insane behaviour. He perpetuates his stable presence in their lives -by destabilizing their
own.
TIP (this is part of beginning to accept responsiblity for your recovery from night eating - see below!)
Refuse to accept such behaviour. Demand reasonably predictable & rational actions & reactions. Insist on respect for your boundaries, predilections, preferences & priorities.
"For me, personally, I wasn't able to demand respect while
I was in my abusive situtation. I was too numb, unfeeling, disassociative... but after removing myself from my abusive marriage,
when I began counseling, after my diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder & depression, I began to have some relief
from my symptoms. In my job, I had a very abusive female boss. One day after a particularly abusive verbal tirade from her,
I turned my head & looked her straight in the eye & said, "I will not allow you to speak
to me like that. I spent years listening to my ex-husband, who was abusive, speak to me like that & now I know better.
I will not allow it. I am going home for the day because you have upset me. Don't do it again."
"That felt so good. I was still night eating then. The tiniest
amount of power I gained by asserting myself in the above situation, helped me begin gaining control over my night eating.
The entire 3 years I worked at that job, I had made a vow to myself. I will not quit this job that I love so much, because
of my abusive boss. If I quit, it will be under my terms & not the result of being abused by another human
being again. This type of thinking was the beginning of the end to my night eating problems."
Kathleen
Disproportional Reactions
One of the favorite tools of manipulation in the abuser's arsenal is the disproportionality of his reactions. He reacts with supreme rage to the slightest slight. Or he would punish severely for what he perceives to be an offence against him, no matter how minor.
Or, he would throw a temper tantrum over any discord or disagreement, however gently & considerately expressed. Or, he would act inordinately attentive, charming & tempting (even over-sexed, if need be).
This ever-shifting code of conduct & the unusually harsh & arbitrarily applied
penalties are premeditated. The victims are kept in the dark. Neediness & dependence on the source of "justice" meted & judgment passed -on the abuser - are thus guaranteed.
TIP
Demand a just & proportional treatment. Reject or ignore unjust & capricious behaviour.
If you're up to the inevitable confrontation,
react in kind. Let him taste some of his own medicine.
Dehumanization
& Objectification (Abuse)
People have a need to believe in the empathic skills & basic good-heartedness of others. By dehumanizing & objectifying people - the abuser attacks the very foundations
human interaction. This is the "alien" aspect of abusers - they may be excellent imitations of fully formed adults but they're
emotionally absent & immature.
Abuse is so horrid,
so repulsive, so phantasmagoric - that people recoil in terror. It's then, with their defenses absolutely down, that they're the most susceptible & vulnerable to the abuser's control. Physical, psychological, verbal & sexual abuse are all forms of dehumanization &
objectification.
TIP
Never show your abuser that you're afraid of him. Don't negotiate with bullies. They're insatiable. Don't succumb to blackmail.
If things get rough - disengage,
involve law enforcement officers, friends & colleagues, or threaten him (legally). (unless he's a police officer, click here to read more about that!)
Don't keep your abuse a secret. Secrecy is the abuser's weapon.
Never give him a second chance. React
with your full arsenal to the first transgression.
An abuser will use any kind of blackmail that fits the bill! In my own personal
situation, my abusive husband, knew everything about me. He knew how my family had made me feel, "unloved" - he
knew my first marriage had fallen apart because I had felt, "unloved" - and with this information in his arsenal - he blackmailed
me with "promises of more love." Such as:
"If you just lose 10 more pounds, I'll love you so much more."
Kathleen
Abuse of Information
From the
first moments of an encounter w/another person, the abuser is on the prowl. He collects information. The more he knows about
his potential victim - the better able he is to coerce, manipulate, charm, extort or convert it "to the cause."
The abuser doesn't
hesitate to misuse the information he gleaned, regardless of its intimate nature or the circumstances in which he obtained
it. This is a powerful tool in his armory.
TIP
Be guarded. Don't be too forthcoming in a first or casual meeting. Gather intelligence.
Be yourself. Don't misrepresent your wishes, boundaries, preferences, priorities & red lines.
Don't behave inconsistently. Don't go back on your word. Be firm & resolute.
Impossible Situations
The abuser engineers impossible, dangerous,
unpredictable, unprecedented, or highly specific situations in which he is sorely needed. The abuser makes sure that his knowledge,
his skills, his connections, or his traits are the only ones applicable & the most useful in the situations that he, himself,
wrought. The abuser generates his own indispensability.
TIP
Stay away from such quagmires. Scrutinize every offer & suggestion, no matter how innocuous.
Prepare backup plans. Keep others informed of your whereabouts & appraised of
your situation.
Be vigilant & doubting. Don't be gullible & suggestible.
Better safe than sorry.
Control by Proxy
If all else fails, the abuser recruits
friends, colleagues, mates, family members, the authorities, institutions, neighbors, the media, teachers - in short, third
parties - to do his bidding. He uses them to cajole, coerce, threaten, stalk, offer, retreat, tempt, convince, harass, communicate
& otherwise manipulate his target. He controls these unaware instruments exactly as he plans to control his ultimate prey.
He employs the same mechanisms & devices. And he dumps his props unceremoniously when the job is done.
Another form of control by proxy is to engineer situations in which abuse is inflicted upon another person.
Such carefully crafted scenarios of embarrassment & humiliation provoke social sanctions (condemnation,
opprobrium, or even physical punishment) against the victim. Society, or a social group become the instruments of the
abuser.
TIP
Often the abuser's proxies are unaware of their role. Expose him. Inform them. Demonstrate to
them how they're being abused, misused & plain used by the abuser.
Trap your abuser.
Treat him as he treats you. Involve others. Bring it into the open. Nothing like sunshine to disinfest abuse.
Ambient Abuse
The fostering, propagation & enhancement of an atmosphere of fear, intimidation, instability, unpredictability
& irritation. There are no acts of traceable explicit abuse, nor any manipulative settings of control. Yet, the irksome
feeling remains, a disagreeable foreboding, a premonition, a bad omen. This is sometimes called "gaslighting".
In the long term, such an environment erodes the victim's sense of self-worth & self-esteem.
Self-confidence is shaken badly. Often, the victims adopts a paranoid or schizoid stance & thus renders himself or herself
exposed even more to criticism & judgment. The roles are thus reversed: the victim is considered mentally deranged &
the abuser - the suffering soul.
TIP
Run! Get away! Ambient abuse often develops to overt & violent abuse.
You don't owe anyone an explanation - but you owe yourself a life. Bail out.
Effects of Traumatic Experiences
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet
by Eve B. Carlson, Ph.D. & Josef Ruzek, Ph.D.
When people find themselves suddenly in danger,
sometimes they're overcome w/feelings of:
These events are called "traumatic experiences."
Some common traumatic experiences include being:
- In a Disaster like a Fire, Hurricane or a Tornado
After traumatic experiences, people may have problems
that they didn't have before the event. If these problems are severe & the survivor doesn't get help for them, they can
begin to cause problems in the survivor's family.
This fact sheet explains how traumas can affect those who experience them. This fact sheet also describes family members' reactions to the traumatic event &
to the trauma survivor's symptoms & behaviors.
Finally, suggestions are made about what a
survivor & his or her family can do to get help for PTSD.
How do traumatic experiences affect people?
People who go thru traumatic experiences often
have symptoms & problems afterward. How serious the symptoms & problems are depends on many things including:
- A person's life experiences before the trauma
- A person's own natural ability to cope w/stress
- What kind of help & support a person gets from family, friends & professionals immediately following the trauma
Because most trauma survivors aren't familiar w/how trauma affects people, they often have trouble understanding what's happening to them.
They may think the trauma is their fault, that they're going crazy, or that there's something wrong w/them because other people who experienced the
trauma don't appear to have the same problems.
Survivors may turn to drugs or alcohol to make themselves feel better.
They may turn away from friends & family who don't seem to understand.
They may not know what to do to get better.
What do trauma survivors need to know?
Traumas happen to many competent, healthy, strong, good people. No one can completely protect him or herself from traumatic experiences.
Many people have long-lasting problems following
exposure to trauma. Up to 8%
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