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   Don’t Let the Boogeyman Steal Your Dreams
By Sulana
Stone
The boogeyman lurking in the closet scares the bejesus out of little kids. “Big people” know the
imaginary monster from their childhood isn’t real. Yet, adults freeze in their tracks when the same monster pops up
on their path in life.
The closer we come to reaching our dreams, the more our monstrous emotions
& mind-talk flash their urgent warnings, “Stop! Don’t go any further. You can’t pull it off. You’re
not good enough. You’re gonna screw up. Or get hurt. Or die!” When you buy into these threats, you can feel confused.
Numb. Scattered. Unfocused. So, ask yourself, “Is what the ego telling me true?” If you don’t challenge
the propaganda of the boogeyman, you might quit going after your dreams altogether.
When
you find yourself waylaid by the ego monster, you can reclaim your power & clarity by using facts from your life
as ammunition against the ego.
“Just the Facts, Ma’am”
Remember the old Dragnet TV cop show? Actor Jack Webb played the no-nonsense police detective
Sgt. Joe Friday. Often in the course of his questioning, Sgt. Friday was bombarded by the frantic, emotional babbling of confused
& upset citizens. To cut to the bottom line, the wise detective somberly requested of the women, “Just the facts,
ma’am.”
By gathering facts - &
disregarding the misleading interpretations of people’s minds & emotions - the sergeant built a rock solid case.
In order to withstand the dream-shattering attacks of the boogeyman, you need to
establish a solid case too. By gathering “just the facts” of your actual accomplishments - & ignoring the
inaccurate conclusions of your ego & emotions - you create a solid foundation for creating your dream.
And what did Sgt. Friday do to remember his facts? He wrote ‘em down.
Save
Your Dreams with a Journal
With its constant undermining, the ego has an
effective weapon to halt your journey to happiness. The invalidation distorts your memory. It narrows your vision. It makes
you forget that you're a valuable person. The monster deliberately distracts your attention from the times in your life when
you did create what you wanted.
Creating a “Dream-Saver Fact Journal”
of your factual successes is an effective active step you can take to dispel the devastating, self-defeating inner talk of
the ego. Forget about what you don’t do well, or where you come up short. Jot down what, in fact, has gone well in your
life. Especially, log in evidence that proves your ego is wrong about you being unlovable, untalented & unworthy of having
what you want.
Friendly Facts Fend Off the Funk
List
miracles & major achievements. Add to your journal daily. As you create success, document the specific, hard-core, firsthand,
personal direct evidence that you can create your life the way you want it to be. When did you decide you needed more money,
then got a raise? When did you decide to get a better job & a great opportunity “appeared out of nowhere?”
When did you want a new friend or lover & you miraculously found one? Despite the odds being against you, when did you
find the perfect place to live? When was there something wrong with your body & it healed quicker than expected?
The purpose of the Dream-Saver Fact Journal is to remind you that you have succeeded in
the past & therefore, you can triumph now. Your own irrefutable facts will refresh your awareness that you're lovable,
talented & worthy!
Also, look for examples in your life where you felt good.
Did someone unexpectedly treat you to dinner or a movie? Did you raise the spirits of the grocery clerk who was having a tough
day? Did someone call you out of the blue with the information you needed? Keep track of your daily experiences of friendship,
kindness, compassion, courage & acknowledgement.
Amass indisputable proof that
verifies that you're supported when you follow your heart. Highlight actual events that demonstrate the rewards of expressing
your authentic self in the world. Then review your achievements every time your energy & joy begin to wane. Make notes
to remind yourself that you’ve been victorious in many situations. Solid evidence causes the boogey monster to lose
its power over you.
Move Past the Threats
In
my own writing career, I repeatedly consult my Success Journal throughout my process of articulating the inner workings of
life. Sometimes as I travel into uncharted territories of authentic expression, the ego roars, “They’ll kill you
if you say too much truth! or “They’ll put you away because they think you’re crazy.” Popular variations
of the same threat are, “You’ll go insane if …” or “You’ll be alone if …”or
“You’ll lose everything if …” Unless I take action to counter my ego, I’m stuck in an emotional
muck hole & quickly losing sight of any way out.
Dash the Dastardly Downers
The journal is my lifesaver & ally. This factual source about my life shows me I’m
capable of continuing in the direction of my goals. My own clear & undeniable evidence proves that I won’t die,
get locked away, go crazy, be alone or lose what’s important.
Call the Bluff of the
Ego
Bluffing is a primary skill of a successful poker player. Bluffing is
a tactic the boogeyman has to employ since he never really holds the winning cards. When you accumulate a wealth of actual
life experience to prove you’ve repeatedly reached your goals, you have a royal flush. You’re holding the winning
hand. So, when the ego monster appears, call its bluff! When the ego spins a yarn about how you “always lose,”
“get hurt,” or “are going to die,” pull out your ace in the hole: your journal of facts proving you've
been able to create what you want in life.
Soothe the Savage Beast
The next time you’re looking for a boost in confidence, don’t listen to your
mind & emotions. These rascals frame your life in the worst possible light. Check your Dream-Saver Journal to remind you
of the successful final outcome the last time your inaccurate mind & emotions were trying to invalidate you.
When the boogeyman growls “Whoa!” when your heart whispers “Go,” quell
the objections of your ego with proof of your creative power. Silence your inner critic. Bore the brute to death with true
stories of your worth. Eventually the bellowing monster will turn into a pip-squeak & stop undermining you.
By reminding yourself of “just the facts,” you’ll quiet the mind & soothe
the emotions so you can keep moving towards your dream.
How to get through a heartbreak
By Sonya
Green
Loving someone
requires exposing our most sensitive and vulnerable self. We allow ourselves to give the best of ourselves – the fragile,
secret, private parts of ourselves. We expose and offer the most valuable part of ourselves. To have this rejected is to have
ourselves deemed unworthy and unlovable. Often, we convince ourselves that the pain of heartbreak is about the loss of our
lover, but the reality is that we are in pain because someone declared that, ‘Our love was not valuable’. At a
core level we are love, and our ability to love and be loved is who and what we really are. To be dismissed on this level
is interpreted as, ‘I am nothing, I do not exist and most painfully, I am not worthy of love.’
We may not
make this connection right away, we may not want to look at it at all. If it comes down to this, then there is one glaring
reality, and that is that we must believe this is true. Could it be that it is not our lovers rejection of us that destroys
us, but our own belief that we are unlovable – unworthy – nothing?
At first we may want to focus on the
behaviour and feel victimized by a betrayal or lies. We may go through many stages like anger, revenge, guilt, violence, depression
or jealousy or we might feel unattractive, sexually inadequate, boring or stupid. For many people it comes down to insisting
that the lover must come back. If he comes back, everything can be reversed, it can be a big mistake and you can be put back
together again.
If we peel away the layers and keep asking ourselves where the pain is coming from, we will find that
it is not the opinion of another person that causes the pain, it is within our acceptance of the opinion.
People have
been coming and going throughout your life. You have probably been in love before and you have probably been hurt by love
before. People leave, you leave, and sometimes it goes smoothly and easily and sometimes it’s painful or heartbreaking.
Love comes in many ways and many degrees; it can subside and fade away or it can end abruptly and traumatically. People may
have loved you more than you loved them, and you may have even been loved by someone who you didn’t even like very much.
I
don’t know why it is that we can’t comprehend that:
‘Love is not gathered it is self generated.’
People
do not give you love, and they do not take love away from you. You choose the degree of flow between yourself and another.
Someone else’s love will mean nothing to you unless you choose to accept it. Love is inspired to radiate from you, but
you are the source of that love. It is an infinite supply and its circulation is governed by your choice to give or receive.
The
other great misunderstanding is the belief in a ‘One and only’. This is a man- made concept, not a natural law.
Love is a natural state of being, if we peel away conditioning and fears and a lifetime of accumulated emotional baggage than
we would be operating more freely from a place of love most of the time. The idea that love is only real or valid when it
is a partnership relationship is very, very limited and downright damaging. We become tunnel visioned and grossly restricted
in a belief that there is only one person or one love available to us. Not only do we expect all of our love to come from
only one person, but we also expect that they must love us exclusively and forever.
We change, they change and life
changes, but we still insist that love will never change. We insist on an impossible promise and self-destruct when the promise
is broken. When friends move on we accept it because we did not have unrealistic expectations to begin with. Our children
grow up and move on and we encourage it, we don’t take it as a betrayal nor do we interpret it as rejection of ourselves.
Divorce
or separation is devastating for sure, and if it is initiated by a cruel act then it’s natural to feel a great range
of negative emotions. If it comes suddenly or unexpectedly then it will be a shock and it will take time to come to terms
with it and work through it. It is very confusing and difficult to accept when you are still there, still in love and still
committed, but they are not.
Your life may be impacted right across the board, and you will grieve, and all of your
emotions are valid and you will need time to work through them. You will need to do whatever you need to do to get through
it. You will grieve and you will cry, you may be scared and angry, and you will probably go through many months of extreme
emotional ranges. It will level out, and it will become manageabl,e and at some point it will just be a sad melancholy that
floats past on occasion.
Sometimes though, it lasts forever. If you can’t let go or you won’t let go, it
can overtake your life and leave you cold and bitter- it will destroy you. No-one does this to you, this is a choice and it
is a decision to live a tragic life based on your inability to acknowledge your own beauty and value. The irony here of course
is that your rage is still directed at your partner for treating you the way you now continue to treat yourself.
One
person’s ability or inability to love you does not make you any more or any less than you are. Your value as a lovable
and worthwhile person is not determined by the opinion of only one other person. Your supply of love, and your ability to
love, is not in the control of another person. And your love was never meant to be restricted, to be exchanged with only one
other person.
Overcoming heartbreak will require reclaiming your energy. As tempting as revenge is and as comforting
as hate may appear, it all keeps your energy attached to someone else. You may need to begin by reclaiming your physical energy;
eat well, breathe and move. If you are physically exhausted your mind and emotions are harder to control. The mind, body and
spirit are all connected and one will rob the other if one is energy deplete.
Only love can replenish love, even if
you feel you are faking it at first, it is most important to get back your flow. Be loving with yourself, treat yourself the
way he should have treated you, and treat yourself the way you wanted to treat him
Acknowledge the love you share with
family and friends, and allow that to expand. Try and stretch loving moments and experiences – take compliments and
kindnesses, imbibe beauty and extend pleasure. Recall your energy and bring it back into yourself. Love the lovable and love
the worthy, and if you really do believe there is only one love and you are capable of loving that one person forever –
then make that one person yourself.
Excerpt form reinventingmyself.com
Copyright Sonya Green
Who Loves You?
By Arielle Sumner Consoli
CPC
“I am the one I have been looking for.”
Iyanla Vanzant
We spend so much of our time waiting
to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty & lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love & fill us up. Unfortunately, that’s not usually how life works.
You'll
draw to you exactly what you create in your life. You'll draw to you what you believe you're worthy of. Nothing more, nothing
less. In other words, when you believe that you're worthy of love, you'll love yourself & then you'll draw love to you from other sources.
Let’s take this a step at a time. Take a realistic
evaluation of yourself. Be honest with yourself about how valuable you believe you are as
a person. The way you see yourself & treat yourself is the very way others will see you & treat you. Do you see yourself
as valuable, worthy of the gift of love?
More importantly, do you treat yourself lovingly & as a valuable being? It’s ok to be truthful with yourself, it may not be pretty!
Awareness is the first & more powerful step on the path to change!
If you find that you have believed yourself as unworthy of love - then right here & now, I want you to forgive yourself. After all, there were probably things in your childhood or previous
years that created that belief for you.
It simply isn’t true; every being on this planet is worthy of love, after all, love is what we're here for, it’s what it’s all about. Say to yourself now; “I forgive myself for believing
that I wasn't worthy of love.”
Go look in a mirror & say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the
eyes & say it like you mean it. Go on, I’ll wait.
That was probably difficult
for some of you, but I knew you could do it! Now, I want you to post this affirmation up someplace where you'll see it each
& every day; “I have the courage to believe that I'm worthy of love.”
Read it out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least 10 times each time you
notice it. Sticky notes are fabulous for affirmations.
Then, take action & make
those words real. Begin loving & valuing yourself. It's said that you can't give away what you don't have. So, if
you aren't able to love & accept yourself unconditionally, how in the world are you going to love & accept anyone else unconditionally?
Much less accept that love in return from them?
Remember, love isn't a feeling, it's a choice! Make the choice to love yourself. After all, who deserves it more? The more loving you are to yourself, the more loving you'll be able to be to everyone around you.
Family & friends will especially benefit from this. Make a choice to come from
a place of love for yourself & for everyone who is important in your life.
Think about what
you need to fill that emptiness inside, that place that's longing for loving. What specifically do you need? Find the answer & then give it to yourself. Yes, I said you'll give it to yourself.
No one is more capable of loving you & giving you exactly what you need than you are! When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching
for it outside of yourself & you suddenly begin attracting it to you!
You change yourself from a sponge to a magnet! People see you radiating self love & they're drawn to you!
Moreover, it's natural to
love ourselves. We're born loving ourselves, babies are fascinated with themselves! They haven’t yet learned the art of beating themselves up because
their cheeks are too chubby or because they went thru too many pairs of diapers today.
They accept themselves. So remind yourself that loving yourself is a natural, normal state of being. To not have that self love is unnatural by all laws, yet it's so common in
our society that we accept it as the norm.
Remember that nature loves, nature never doubts. Find the nature within, the love of self that is your true birthright. When you love yourself unconditionally, you allow yourself to fly. Learn to spread your wings. Like a bird, find the self love within &
soar!
Dealing with failure
By Chandresh Bhardwaj
All of us want to be successful. All of us have big dreams. We all try very hard
to achieve them. But on our way to achieving those dreams, if we face a failure, we just break down totally.
Sometimes we don't even feel like trying the same job again just because of the failure
we faced in the previous attempt. And if we get up & start doing it, we aren't able to put our 100% in it.
Consciously or unconsciously, the fear of failure affects our performance. Students
put so much effort in studying for exams & if they end up getting a B or C, then they hardly look forward to next semester.
If we stop doing everything just because of the fear of failing, then the world will
come to an end. Then, what exactly should we do to overcome it? Let's take some moments & see if we're able to conquer
the failure or if failure would be able to conquer us!
Changing point of view -->>
First of all, we have to stop looking at failure in a
negative way. People tend to link failure with weakness, stupidity & dumbness. I totally disagree with that. I believe
if you're doing something & you think you're just perfect in it, that means something seriously is going wrong with it.
When a person thinks he's perfect, he has closed all doors for any growth or improvement.
Whenever there's imperfection, there are million chances of improvement. A person keeps on growing, but a so called 'perfect
person' just stops growing. He's in this illusion of being perfect which hinders his growth forever.
Look at failure as another step toward success. Make yourself positive enough to
see the good sides of failure.
Don't label yourself a "failure" -->>
If you fail in something, don't think of yourself as
a failure. It just means that you haven't succeeded in doing the work you were doing. It means that you are only some steps
away from achieving your goal.
By labeling yourself as a failure you close the door for all possibilities of achieving
success. Let me explain this with a beautiful example.
There was a man who failed in business at the age of
21; was defeated in a legislative race at the age of 22; failed again in business at 24; overcome the death of his girlfriend
at 26; had a nervous breakdown at 27; lost a congressional race at age of 34; lost a senatorial race at age 45; failed to
become Vice President at the age 47; lost a senatorial race at 49 & was elected as the President of the United States
at the age of 52!
He was none other than Abraham Lincoln. He could have
labeled himself a failure & ruined his whole life. Instead, he decided to ignore failure & fight against all odds.
Don't behave like a machine -->>
Always remember that only highly intelligent people face big failures. They're the
ones who can't get things done in a right manner in first attempt. The reason for this is very simple. A person who follows
orders & fulfills them right away, without thinking, is like a machine.
There's no difference between that person & a machine.
You tell him something & he'll do it. However, a successful person is very different. If you tell him to do something
in a certain way, he'll ask you why he can't do it in other way.
He'll not follow your order blindly. He always say, "Why
not the other way?" He always thinks different from crowd & that's where he succeeds.
An average student will follow what his professor has to say. He will learn the
whole book and his professor's lecture word to word. But a genius-minded student would ask the professor so many questions
about the whys & the wherefores. His questions will be beyond the coursework.
That average student might end up getting a better grade
than that genius student. But in long term, it'll be that genius student whose name will be remembered for a long time. However,
that average student remains average forever his life.
So, stop thinking that you are a weak or dumb student
if you end up getting a low grade in spite of asking so many questions in every class. Rather be proud of yourself that your
mind is much more polished than other students in the class.
See what you've learned-->>
When you fail to do something, look back & see how
much you've learned. You will be surprised to see that you've learned so much that you wouldn't have learnt if you succeeded
in the first attempt.
Thomas Edison failed approximately 10,000 times while
he was practicing on the light bulb! When people asked him to quit this project, his reply was, "I have gotten lots of results!
If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I'm not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is
often a step forward...."
If you have this kind of attitude, there
is no way why you won't be successful. Every failure teaches you something. You just have to see what mistakes you made &
learn from them. The more mistakes you make, the smarter you will become.
Just don't make the same mistake twice because that will make you stupid. Learn from
your first mistake & don't repeat it.
Never give up -->>
No matter how people react to your failure, you should never ever give up. If you
start giving up after your every failure, you'll see that you will accomplish literally nothing in life. You'll start doing
something & will quit it forever after you fail in it.
In this way, your skills will never be polished. Your
dreams will never see the light of day.
Every success story is also a story of a
great failure. The only difference is that the successful people never gave up. Instead, they bounced back with a much more
energy & enthusiasm every time they failed.
There was a partially deaf child who was expelled from
school because his teachers considered him too stupid to learn. His mother decided to teach him & show everyone how intelligent
her son is.
Her son was none other than the great Thomas Edison. Edison had only 3 years of formal
schooling.
Be patient -->>
Don't get discouraged if it's taking a little longer than you expected. The more
time it'll take the better performance it will give. Don't think that you'll never achieve your goal or you'll never get you
want.
Failure might cause your goals a little delay but it
doesn't mean that you will never achieve them. It simply means that it will take just little longer. When Beethoven was young,
everybody used to tell him that he has no talent for music. He knew that he will be the best composer after a considerable
time.
Today everyone knows that he gave the world
some of the best music.
Finally, as I wrote in my previous articles, we need to update our
dictionaries. We have to remove some of the words & change the meaning of some of them. 'Failure' is one of those words
whose meaning needs to be changed.
Today onwards, see failure as a chance to bounce back with full of energy. Look at
failure as an opportunity to improve more & polish your skills. View your failure as a road to success. I'm sure if you
follow the above suggestions sincerely, then you'll be one of those rare people who make it big no matter what circumstances
are.
All the best!
My readers are welcome to
send their comments, doubts & questions regarding mind power, positive thinking & anything that I write about. Also,
if any one of you feel that they're not motivated enough in doing something or they're facing some problem in life, feel free
to e-mail me at cbh2207@gmail.com & I'll try my best to answer you.
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Communication With The Most Important Person
By Mark Thompson
He
was a student in the 6th grade. He was great in all subjects except Math. His step-father was sent to his room to help him
with his Math homework. After a few minutes of silence, a loud yell of anger reverberated throughout the house.
His
mother came in to after her son was slapped in the side of his head by her husband. He was yelling, "Are you that freaking
stupid?"
(Except "freaking" was not the word he used.)
This was almost an everyday occurrence for this child. Not
until several years later when his step-father and mother divorced did he understand the words being communicated to him were
lies and harsh negative emotions. Nevertheless, the emotional scars had taken root.
Like all children, I was young
and very impressionable back then.
Yes. That was me.
For a while, I believed the lies. I really thought I was
good for nothing. I didn't think I would amount to anything. I believed it because it's what I was told for years and years.
After
years of studying human behavior, I finally realized that I had to master communication with myself. I could not let the echoes
of the past master my current communication I would have with myself.
The most important communication is the communication
you have with yourself. You are the most important person.
There are 3 things I did to help pull my conscious and unconscious
mind from the gutter of gloom and despair of self-doubt.
1. Repeat Reality / Forget Fiction
Once my step-father
was out of the picture and I started thinking he may be the one with the problem, I knew that I may have some value as an
individual. And if I had
some value as an individual, I may have some individual thoughts and opinions. So I repeated what
I felt deep inside.
I'm going to step out on a limb here. I'm willing to wager my last dollar that even the most self-conscious
and most unconfident person has a true sense of self-worth within them.
It just needs to be tapped into. Even if you've
been put down all your life, I know you feel the true you, the valuable you inside trying to escape. Don't ignore those feelings,
thoughts and truths.
Here are some things I did to master communication with the most important person.
Repeat
the reality of you. The reality is "I am unique. I have talents that can not be replaced. I can contribute to this world like
no one else. No one could ever replace me. I am that important."
Repeat this 10 times to yourself in the mirror in
the morning when you get up and in the evening before going to bed. You may feel a little silly when you first start, but
I assure you once you truly understand it and live it, this exercise is anything but silly. It's a powerful tool.
2.
Help the hurting.
Find someone who is going through a troubled time and make yourself available in some capacity. It can
be a student who’s struggling with grades. It can be a hurting single mother who has a hard time juggling everyday life
and needs a babysitter (for free). It could be a close friend who has a hard time coping with the birthday of a recently lost
loved one.
The point is you don't have to look far for the hurting. Don't make those hurting look far for help. This
will do a great deal for mastering communication with the most
important person - you. You'll be reinforcing your value
with actions that come naturally.
3. Give thanks for all you have.
It’s that simple. Don’t take life’s
gifts for granted. Tell your family everyday you love them. Cultivate a love for what’s valuable in life. Try to understand
that what’s
valuable in life doesn’t cost anything and, usually, the worthless things we have are the very
things we pay the most money for.
Take these 3 points and use them to master the communication with the most important
person.
Mastering this communication with yourself produces a successful speaker. After all, if you don’t believe
in yourself by mastering your communication, your audience will probably tune into that immediately.
Mastering this
communication with yourself produces a successful businessperson. After all, if you don't believe in yourself by mastering
your communication, your company may not believe in you enough to push you up through the ranks.
Mastering this communication
with yourself produces the confidence that parents need to be successful.
After all, if you don't believe in yourself by
mastering your communication, your children may end up just like you (good or bad) - their model.
Master your communication
with yourself for yourself and those around you will benefit. Learn to live and love life more than you ever have before.
I did. You can too.
Until next time keep looking and living forward.
Your Forward-Living Coach,
Mark
Thompson
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How To Reject Rejection
By Dr Brenda Shoshanna
Rejection
is one of the most painful experiences in relationships. As soon as a person feels their partner is rejecting them or finding
fault, they quickly begin to reject their partner and reject themselves as well. In this case, their sense of self-worth is
dependent on how their partner feels about them.
When an individual is in an abusive relationship, and rejection and
fault finding are on-going, it is not unusual for them to completely lose confidence in themselves and even feel they are
not deserving of love.
But let’s look at this more closely. What really happens when feelings of rejection surface?
Are these feelings truly caused by the behavior of another, or is it because this individual does not feel good about themselves?
When an individual has solid self-esteem, another person’s behavior cannot shake their basic confidence or feeling of
worthiness.
There are basic steps to developing basic confidence and self-esteem. These steps are like vitamins and
minerals for the soul. When we practice these steps daily, we become less vulnerable to the behavior of others, planted on
solid ground. Four, preliminary steps follow. Try them out and see for yourself.
1) Realize That The Way A Person
Treats You Says More About Them Than About You
Negative behavior says a lot more about the person behaving that way
than it does about you. When you feel stung by your partner’s behavior, stop a moment and realize it is their difficulty
or pain they are expressing. Don’t take it in.
When you go absorb their negative behavior you are going along
with their problem and turning it on yourself.When someone behaves negatively towards you, say to yourself, this is a call
for help and understanding.
2) Stop Taking Rejection Personally
Why is it so common to take rejection personally?
It is because we also spend a great deal of our time rejecting most of what life brings our way, including ourselves. We want
one thing and get another. We want our partner to behave in one way and they do the opposite. Soon we begin to feel there’s
something wrong with everyone we meet, that it’s up to us change and control them.
But it is inevitable that
the more we reject others, the more we will be rejected as well. If you are being rejected a lot, take time to notice the
ways in which you reject others. Then stop it. Turn it around. Look for what is good or right about the person or situation
in front of you. Look for what is good and right about yourself.
3) Do Not Look For The Faults Of Others
Loneliness
and upset in our relationships comes from searching other’s faults. We also project our own faults upon others as well.
We blame them for it, and reject it all. This never makes for happy relationships where both parties can be themselves, feel
wanted and grow naturally.
When we catch ourselves being caught in this pattern we can stop it by taking responsibility
for what is happening. We can immediately notice how we are perceiving our partner. Next we take charge of our perceptions
and decide what to focus upon. In any moment there are things we could be acknowledging. Why are we choosing to acknowledge
the bad points? It’s important to ask and answer that.
4) Make An Inventory of Your Strong Points.
The
more we value, like and appreciate ourselves, the less we’ll look for the faults of others. Take time to make an inventory
of your strong points. What is good, valuable and worthwhile about you? Why would someone want to have you as their partner?
What gifts do you bring? I
If you are not clear about your own value, it’s hard to see the value in others. We
must learn to acknowledge and value respect ourselves if we wish to have others treat us this way as well.
5)Choose
To Offer Acceptance and Understanding
The more we value, like and appreciate others, the happier we will be.The experience
of acceptance and oneness is what everyone desires. Give that to others and give it to yourself. In order to do this you must
realize that whoever appears before you is simply another aspect of yourself. Judgment or the desire to change them is not
necessary. Curiosity is a better response.
As we allow others to be who they are, and view them with understanding
and acceptance we develop open heartedness and become happier, healthier and more fulfilled in our lives and relationships.
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