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Many of the articles posted within the emotional feelings network of sites were found at the website above... thanks so much & be sure to visit
them! There's so much information to be found there!
kathleen
  
What is perfectionism?
Perfectionism is:
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the irrational belief that you &/or your environment must be perfect
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the striving to be the best, to reach the
ideal & to never make a mistake
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an all pervasive attitude that whatever you attempt in life must be done letter perfect with no deviation, mistakes,
slip ups, or inconsistencies
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a habit developed from
youth that keeps you constantly alert to the imperfections, failings & weakness in yourself & others
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a level of consciousness that keeps you ever vigilant to any deviations from the norm, the guidelines, or the way things are "supposed
to be"
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the underlying motive present in the fear of failure & fear of rejection, i.e., if I'm not perfect I'll fail &/or I'll be rejected by others
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a reason why you may be fearful of success, i.e., if I achieve my goal, will I be able to continue, maintain that level of achievement
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a rigid, moralistic outlook that doesn't
allow for humanism or imperfection
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an inhibiting factor that keeps you from making a commitment to change habitual, unproductive behavior out of fear of not making the change "good enough''
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the belief that no matter what you attempt it's never "good enough'' to meet your own or others' expectations
What irrational beliefs contribute to perfectionism?
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Everything
in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.
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It's unacceptable to make a mistake.
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You must
always reach the ideal no matter what.
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If those
in authority say this is the way it's supposed to be, then that's the way it's supposed to be.
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You're
a loser if you can't be perfect.
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It's what
you achieve rather than who you are that's important.
-
I
have no value in life unless I'm successful.
-
There's
no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., "I don't attempt
things I can't do well.''
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If I have
a failure or experience a set back in my efforts to change then I should give up.
-
The ideal
is what's real; unless I reach the ideal I'm a failure.
-
There
are so many roadblocks & pitfalls to keep me from succeeding. It's better just to give up & forget my goal.
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Unless
I'm "Number One'' there's no sense in trying. Everyone knows what "Number Two'' is. To win is the only acceptable goal.
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If you screw
up in your efforts to achieve a goal, just give up. It must be too hard to achieve.
-
You must
always strive to reach the ideal in everything you do because it's in the achievement of the ideal that you give meaning to
your life.
-
Don't
ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.
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If you
can't do it right the first time, why try to do it at all?
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There's
only one way to reach a goal: the right way.
-
It takes
too much effort & energy to reach a goal. I save myself the aggravation & discouragement by not setting goals for
myself.
-
I'll never
be able to change & grow the way I want to, so why try.
-
I'm a
human being prone to error, frailty & imperfections; therefore, I won't be able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way. I'll just give up on achieving any of my goals or desires.
Emotional Eating: Are you hungry for food or something else?
By Pamela
Blackburn, Certified PersonalTrainer
1. The
person must learn new ways of dealing with their emotions so the need to rely on food isn't present.
i.e.,
- Focus on the present rather than the past & on the positive aspects of your life.
- Take time to nurture yourself in ways other
than food (a walk, movie, hot bath, etc.)
- Talk
to someone rather than choosing food for support.
- Think
about your accomplishments, positive personal qualities & valued relationships & affirm yourself for these things.
- Identify goals & activities you've been
putting off. Make a list & start doing them now.
- Set small goals that you can accomplish easily
& congratulate yourself for every success.
- Recognize your personal rights. You have the
right to say “no”, to express your feelings & opinions & to ask to have your needs met.
- Find a growth-oriented, non-judgmental community
of relationships, such as a church, youth group, or appropriate 12-step group.
- Keep a journal of your experiences, feelings,
thoughts & insights. This is a safe place to be honest with yourself. The journal is for your eyes only, no one else will
be reading it or judging it. The journal can also help you identify the feelings,
internal messages & triggers that
lead to your emotional eating, so that you may prepare yourself to choose alternate strategies.
- Don’t let the scale run your life. Remember
that numbers on a scale aren't a value of self-worth. Throw the scale away.
- Let go of faultfinding, blame, guilt &
shame. Focus on the present & take responsibility for what you can change today.
- Understand that shame & guilt often lead
to emotional eating & emotional eating then leads to more shame & guilt, creating a vicious cycle that can be broken.
- If you have a personal faith, pray for guidance
& strength from your higher power.
2. The person can begin to practice
the principles of balance, variety & moderation regarding both food & exercise. All foods (variety)
fit into a healthy diet if consumed in moderation. Exercise means any kind of movement that a person likes. Including moderate
amounts of movement / exercise helps the body to regulate food cravings so the person can listen to & trust their hunger
signals.
What are some of the underlying causes of emotional eating?
The number
one cause is living in a culture that values thinness. As such, all Americans are at risk. Cultures that value thinness create
categories of “forbidden” foods, leading to a chronic experience of food deprivation.
The situation for Americans is
exacerbated by the abundant availability of rich foods & large restaurant portions sizes, coupled with a sedentary lifestyle
promoted by cities built around automotive travel rather than walking.
These experiences place Americans in a contradiction:
We’re
told to fight our biological drive to eat & minimize food intake in order to be thin, but we're simultaneously saturate
with a plethora of available & appealing foods & food choices.
In this environment, eating becomes
a highly emotionally charged event & becomes intertwined with a variety of feelings & needs.
Other causes include lack of knowledge & skills on how to self-soothe &
calm one’s troubling emotions like anger & anxiety. History of abuse, coming from an overweight family where emotional eating was modeled by parents
& relatives & low self-esteem.
How can someone approach a friend of family
member they suspect of having a problem with emotional eating?
- Before approaching, learn what community &
healthcare resources are available, so you can offer your loved one good advice on how to seek help.
- Understand that emotional eating is complex.
Recovery isn't just a matter of will power.
- Discuss your concerns with the individual.
Be compassionate; listen.
- Let them know that they're not alone, that
many people in the U.S. eat for emotional reasons & that there's help available.
- Try to understand things from the person’s perspective. Understand that persons with emotional eating often make decisions based on their feelings rather than on facts
& logic.
- State what you've observed, list evidence
of the problem.
- Express
your concerns about the person’s physical & mental health, not their weight.
- Indicate your conviction that the situation
should at least be evaluated by a professional.
- Explain
how you can help; with a referral, information, emotional or financial support.
- End the conversation if going nowhere or if
the person becomes upset. But if possible, leave the door open for further conversations.
- Have patience: If rejected, try again later,
explaining that you're coming back because you think the person can have a more rewarding life if they learn new ways to handle
their emotions that don’t involve food.
- Respond during emergencies: If the person
is complaining of chest pain or talking about suicide, get help immediately.
- Find support for yourself. Talk to a counselor or healthcare
professional; attend a support group for family & friends of those with mental illness or emotional / compulsive eating.
What are the dangers of emotional
eating & when should professional help become involved?
Dangers include: self-hatred, feeling out of control, which can generalize
to other areas of life & medical problems (including obesity, diabetes, constipation,
digestion problems, reflux & chronic tiredness).
Involve a professional:
when any of the above problems are occurring, when on a 1-10 scale, the person believes that their emotional eating is causing
them distress rated at a 7 or above, or when emotional eating is occurring more than once a week.
Do you have any advice for people struggling with emotional eating? Emotional eating problems have become
so common in the US that we forget they're seriously distressing & very treatable!
So don’t be ashamed of
your emotional eating or keep it a secret; you aren't alone! Seek professional help, because treatment works & it can
provide you with a much more satisfying life & relationship with food.
Dr. Cumella
is Director of Research & Education at Remuda Ranch Programs for Anorexia & Bulimia, Inc., the nation’s largest
inpatient facility dedicated to the treatment of women & girls suffering from eating disorders. Remuda also offers a specialized
30 day inpatient program for women & outpatient services for men & children struggling with emotional eating. Dr.
Cumella has published & spoken widely throughout North America on eating disorder topics. he can be contacted at 1-800-445-1900;
email: Edward.cumella@remudaranch.com; website www.remudaranch.com.
What are some negative consequences of perfectionism?
Examples of the negative consequences of perfectionism include:
Low self-esteem: Because a perfectionist never feels "good enough" about personal performance, feelings
of being a "failure" or a "loser" with a lessening of self-confidence & self-esteem may result.
Guilt: Because a perfectionist never feels good about the way responsibility has been
handled in life (by himself or others) a sense of shame, self recrimination
& guilt may result.
Pessimism: Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be extremely difficult to achieve
an "ideal goal," he can easily become discouraged, fatalistic, disheartened & pessimistic about future efforts to reach
a goal.
Depression: Needing always to be "perfect," yet recognizing that it's impossible to achieve such a goal, a
perfectionist runs the risk of feeling down, blue & depressed.
Rigidity: Needing to have everything in one's life perfect or "just so" can lead a perfectionistic
to an extreme case of being inflexible, non-spontaneous & rigid.
Obsessiveness:
Being in need of an excessive amount of order, pattern, or structure in life can lead a perfectionistic
person to become nit-picky, finicky, or obsessive in an effort to maintain a certain order.
Compulsive behavior:
Over-indulgence or the compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping, sex, smoking, risk-taking, or novelty,
is often used to medicate a perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser for never being
able to be "good enough" in life.
Lack of motivation: Believing that the goal of "change" will never be able to be ideally or perfectly achieved can often give a perfectionist a lack of motivation to attempt change in the first place, or to persevere if change
has already begun.
Immobilization:
Because a perfectionist is often burdened with an extreme fear of failure, the person can
become immobilized. With no energy, effort or creative juices applied to rectify, improve, or change the problem behavior
in the person's life, he becomes stagnant.
Lack of belief in self: Knowing that one will never be able to achieve an idyllic goal can lead a perfectionist to lose the belief that he will ever be able to improve his life significantly.
What rational behaviors are needed to overcome perfectionistic
tendencies?
To overcome perfectionism one needs to:
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accept self as a human being
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forgive self for mistakes or failings
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put self back on the wagon immediately after
falling off
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accept that the "ideal" is only a guideline or goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100%
-
set realistic & flexible time frames
for the achievement of a goal
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develop a sense of patience & to reduce
the need to "get it done yesterday"
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be easier on oneself; setting unrealistic
or unreasonable goals or deadlines sets you up for failure
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recognize that the human condition is one
of failings, weakness, deviations, imperfections & mistakes; it's acceptable to be human
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recognize that one's backsliding doesn't
mean the end of the world; it's OK to pick oneself up & start all over again
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develop an ability to use "thought stopping''
techniques whenever you find yourself mentally scolding yourself for not being "good enough''
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visualize reality as it will be for a "human''
rather than for a "super human''
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learn to accept yourself the way you are; let go of the ideas of how you "should be''
-
enjoy success & achievement with a healthy
self-pride & eliminate the need for self deprecation or false humility
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learn to enjoy success without the need to second guess your ability to sustain the achievement
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reward yourself for your progress, to reinforce
your efforts to change even when progress is slight or doesn't meet up to your idealistic expectations
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love yourself; to believe that you deserve good things
-
to eliminate unrealistic expectations &
the idea that you're infallible
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visualize yourself as "winning'' even when
it takes more energy & more perseverance, than what you'd planned
-
let go of rigid, moralistic judgments of
your performance & to develop an open, compassionate understanding for the hard times, obstacles & temptations
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be flexible in setting goals & be willing
to reassess your plan from time to time to keep things realistic
-
be open to the idea that you'll be successful
in your efforts to change, even if you aren't "first,'' "the best,'' "the model,'' "the star pupil,'' " the exemplar,'' "
the finest''
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realize that the important thing is to be going
in a positive direction
How can a social support system help in overcoming perfectionism?
Social support systems can help you overcome perfectionism
if you:
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select realistic people who aren't perfectionistic
in their own life
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encourage your support system members to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts
to keep you on an honest course
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have support people who role model forgiving & forgetting when mistakes, failures,
offenses, or backsliding occur
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have given them permission to call you on being "too hard,'' "too brutal,'' "too
rigid,'' "too unrealistic,'' or "too idealistic'' in your expectations
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have people who'll give positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small or slight it is
-
select trustworthy people who are open, honest & have a sincere interest in
your personal growth
Steps to overcome perfectionism
Step
1: In your journal, answer the following questions:
a.
What characteristics of perfectionism are true for me? How do these perfectionistic traits impede my efforts to change my problematic behavior?
b. What
irrational beliefs of perfectionists do I ascribe to? How do these beliefs influence my desire to change? How do these beliefs contribute to a failure script in my efforts to change? What rational
alternatives can I adopt to reduce the negative impact of perfectionism in my life?
c. What are the negative consequences
of perfectionism in my life? What am I doing to address these negative issues in my life?
How do these negative issues affect my past & current efforts to change my problematical behavior?
d. What new rational behavior
do I need to develop in order to overcome the negative impact of perfectionism? How will these new
behavior traits help me to fully achieve change in my life?
e. How can my social
support system help me in overcoming my perfectionistic attitude? What contributes to perfectionism in my support system? What changes in my support system would reduce its perfectionistic character?
f. How does dealing
with my perfectionism help me in my efforts to change? How well does perfectionism explain why past attempts to change have failed?
Step 2: In your journal, identify a problematic
behavioral pattern you want to change; then list the characteristic negative behavior traits of the pattern. For each of the
negative characteristics list positive alternative behavior traits. For each of the new alternative behavior list your likelihood of achieving them 100% of the
time. How many new behavior traits could you achieve 100% of the time?
Step 3: Once you've recognized that no change can
be achieved 100% of the time, continue changing your problematic behavior patterns. If you continue to be hindered by perfectionism, return to Step 1 & begin again.
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Is Being a Perfectionist Keeping You From Having a
Perfect Life?
By Royane Real
For the last couple of weeks I've been
working on a magazine article that I hope will be good enough to get accepted for publication in a major magazine. Because this article is so
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