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| well... no... you don't have to board yourself up |
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| take back the lumber & nails! |
after you consume all the information - then what should anyone
do?
how do you stop eating at night?
Click to join nighteating101
update! 7/19/09 we currently have 75 members! check in & visit!
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You are obsessed, arent' you?
Obsessions with food
Obsessed
w/Food
from Dr.
Phil.com
If your entire day is consumed w/thoughts of food, calories or weight, your problem may have nothing
to do w/your waistline.
Food & Diet Obession
If most of your day is spent thinking about what you just ate or what you're going to eat next, Dr. Phil
says that the possible roots of your obsession may surprise you.
- Most of the time, obsessive
behavior & compulsive thinking about food have nothing to do w/food. They have everything to do w/your self-image. It's just that the battlefield you've chosen is food. It's where you've chosen to exercise tight control in hopes that none
of your underlying fears & emotions will creep up on you.
- People often use
food as a control mechanism. Having an obsession w/food & controlling your intake of it can be a substitute for
having command over what you really want to control: how you feel about yourself.
- Ask yourself what would happen
if you didn't focus on food so much & let go of the control. Do you fear you'd be a worthless human being?
What if you said, "My
body image is independent of my self-image. If I'm a good, caring & loving parent/spouse/child & an honest, responsible citizen, it doesn't matter how much I weigh"? You may want to weigh less &
that's OK. But weight & self-image aren't the same thing.
- Know
that you can unlearn this behavior. Everybody has a definition of success. If your definition of success is to have
hyper-control of food intake, it's the wrong definition. You need to change your definition.
- Understand that ending obsessive
behavior w/food sometimes isn't the answer to the problem because it doesn't deal w/the root of the problem: internal
dialogue that says you're a bad person if you don't weigh a certain amount. You need to change your internal dialogue.
- When discussing food obsession,
Dr. Phil believes it's important to note that one of the biggest problems w/ weight loss programs today is that they're highly
focused on food.
Many popular programs incorporate
a regimented diet in which people have to weigh food & count calories, etc. People often go on a diet because they don't
want to eat as much but the structure of the diet requires them to spend their entire day focused on food,
which only exacerbates the problem.
Protecting Yourself From Sabotage
from Dr. Phil.com
Have you made positive life changes & then been surprised
by how others react? Do friends & family act as though your growth threatens them? Are they not supporting you in ways
you expected them to?
Don't be surprised if those closest to you try to sabotage your efforts. Sometimes people will
unconsciously try to keep you "on script" w/your fictional self in order to protect you or protect themselves from change.
Dr. Phil suggests that you weigh carefully what others have to say because there may be something of value offered,
but also keep in mind their possible motives.
There are 4 basic patterns of behavior that others typically use to
destroy your quest for authenticity - whether they know it or not. It's important to be aware of these patterns & not
allow "carriers of toxicity" to set you back.
The 4 destructive behaviors are:
1.
Overprotection
The underlying message here is one of fear. "I don't
want you to get hurt." "Trying something new could result in failure."
This pattern is dangerous because it's often masked as love & concern
& is therefore difficult to fight.
2. Power Manipulation
In this form of sabotage,
people attempt to take away your personal power in order to maintain their old relationship w/you.
They figure that if they treat you like a child, you will yield to their suggestions like a child. "What idiot told you it
would be good to go back to school?" "Do you honestly think you'll keep the weight off?"
3.
Leveling
People who feel inadequate will sometimes try to "level"
those who have what they want. Your success could pose a threat & cause them to sabotage you in any way they can in order
to bring you down to their level.
4. Safety in the Status Quo
People are comfortable
w/circumstances that they know, even if the circumstances are bad. A change for the better is still a change - a complete
threat to familiarity & the security of the status quo. Don't be surprised if others perceive your reconnection w/your
authentic self as something threatening that they need to destroy.
compare these irrational beliefs to Dr. Phil's
life beliefs... they're really the same thing... read about irrational beliefs, negative scripts and positive affirmations
next!
Handling Irrational Beliefs
What are irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs are:
- Messages about life we send to ourselves that keep
us from growing emotionally.
- Scripts we have in our head about how we believe life "should be"
for us & for others.
- Unfounded attitudes, opinions, & values we hold to that are out of
synchrony with the way the world really is.
- Negative sets of habitual responses we hold to when faced w/stressful events
or situations.
- Stereotypic ways of problem solving we fall into in order to deal w/life's
pressures.
- Ideas, feelings, beliefs, ways of thinking, attitudes, opinions, biases, prejudices,
or values with which we were raised.
We've become accustomed to using them when faced w/problems in our current
life, even when they aren't productive in helping us reach a positive, growth-enhancing solution.
- Self-defeating ways of acting. On the surface they may look appropriate
for the occasion, but actually they result in a neutral or negative consequence for us.
- Habitual ways of thinking, feeling, or acting that we think are effective;
however, in the long run they are ineffectual.
- Counterproductive ways of thinking, which give comfort & security in
the short run, but either do not resolve or actually exacerbate the problem in the long run.
- Negative or pessimistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such
as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
- Overly optimistic or idealistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences
such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
- Emotional arguments for taking or not taking action in the face of a challenge.
When followed they result in no personal gain, but rather in greater personal hardship or loss.
- Patterns of thinking that make us appear to others as stubborn,
bullheaded, intemperate, argumentative, or aloof.
- Ways of thinking about ourselves that are out of context w/the real facts,
resulting in our either under-valuing or over-valuing ourselves.
- Means by which we become confused about the intentions of others when we're
enmeshed in interpersonal problems w/them.
Lifelong messages sent to us either formally or informally by:
many visitors to the site read over the information
and then send me an email stating: "I've had a good life! I don't remember any traumas or abuse in my past!"
Not remembering is only part of the blockage you have, but
then again, how would you know if the parenting style your parents used in raising you was the reason for some irrational
or unfactual beliefs that you carry with you now?
Dr. Phil says to find out the facts... check out this article,
it might get your thought processes looking for that buried file in your memory that can cause a spark of memory for you...
"When Parents Love Too Much"
Excerpted from: "Hungry For Love"
by Laurie Ashner
& Mitch Meyerson
"There're people starving in China!"
" My mothers
answer to everything- black eyes, bad grades, fights w/friends, broken engagements- is always the same: 'Don't worry about
it honey. Have a cookie.'"
Marci, Age 22, Manager
Some of us
find ourselves in an intimate relationship that allows us to be comforted w/out being vulnerable,
to take w/out giving & to feel intimate w/out taking the risk of being abandoned.
This relationship is w/food.
What is the connection between growing up in
a home brimming w/excessive love, attention, protection
& high parental expectations & the initial development of an obsession w/food, weight &
dieting?
It's widely accepted
that abnormal patterns of food consumption are expressions of underlying problems. Once physical causes have been ruled
out, it's a sign that our psychological needs aren't being
met.
Food is being used to meet our emotional needs
& to accomplish what we can't accomplish in healthier, more direct
ways.
Food can seem like an elixir
Food can seem like an elixir to children who
were loved too much, whose childhood experience resulted in a host of inner conflicts they have
yet to solve. Such children can use food in an attempt to accomplish the following:
- To avoid feelings
- To avoid conflict
- To relieve anxiety
caused by the high expectations of parents
- To wrest control away from controlling
parents, when active resistance is too threatening
- To get into the family spotlight
- To nurture oneself
- To fend off intimacy
- To punish oneself in response to guilt
- To quiet restless dissatisfaction
- To rebel against looking good
- To avoid maturity
But, why do we turn to food?
Why not alcohol or drugs or some other obsession
equally "useful" for this purpose? There's a very good reason for this. Food & to a certain extent obsessions
w/food, are socially acceptable. Our entire culture appears obsessed w/dieting & weight
at times.
Children who're overparented & schooled
in "looking good" are keen observers of what's acceptable to others. They find a lot of company
in other people equally obsessed w/their bodies, their diets & their weight & feel safety in numbers.
Unfortunately, a predisposition
to using food to fulfill emotional needs can lead to the development of full-blown eating disorders such as bulimia
& anorexia nervosa.
Compulsive overeating
Compulsive overeating while not technically classified by medical experts as an
eating disorder, nonetheless plagues many children who were loved too much.
The compulsive overeater is obsessed w/thoughts of food, dieting & weight.
Eating may be continuous & food is so rapidly consumed - almost inhaled - that the result is often obesity.
Life is a roller coaster of overeating, vowing to diet, feeling anxious, moody & deprived &
"blowing the diet."
The cycle is repeated, making the compulsive overeater feel guilty & hopelessly out of control.
Eating disorders are family illnesses
Our
family is the setting in which we become a separate self. When a family member develops an eating disorder, its a cue that
something is wrong within the family, not just the individual, although the person that develops the disorder may be the only
one showing the stress outwardly.
In
families characterized by obsessive love, closeness & protection, this is especially hard to see.
Its
important to parents who love too much that the family presents a united, harmonious appearance
to the rest of the world.
Conflict,
distance between the family members & other problems are jammed under the layers of denial.
On
the surface, everything looks fine, except for the fact that the child has developed an obsession w/food that's controlling
his or her life.
Not
everyone who uses food to fill unmet needs becomes "addicted" or develops bulimia or anorexia. However if we need comfort,
love, or respite from anxiety & we repeatedly turn to food for relief, we set the stage for an unhealthy dependence that
can be turned into a full scale eating disorder.
Food
works. It'll comfort us - but only for a sort time. But until we can find healthier ways of meeting our needs, we will be
hard put to give it up & recover.
How can we recognize irrational beliefs?
Our beliefs are unproductive in solving our current problem or crisis, but
we are either unwilling or unable to let go of them. These messages can be very clear to us or they can be hidden in our subconscious.
Conclusions about life that we have developed over time, living in an irrational environment not identified as being
irrational (e.g., beliefs developed as a member of a high-stress family).
Standards by which we were reared &
from which we learned how to act, what to believe, & how to express or experience feelings. When followed, however, these
standards do not result in a satisfactory resolution of our current problems.
Ritualistic ways by which we pursue our
relationships w/others, resulting in nonproductive relationships & increased emotional stress.
Outmoded, unproductive,
unrealistic expectations exacted on ourselves and/or others, guaranteed to be unattainable & to result in continuing negative
self-concepts.
Irrational beliefs can be present if we:
- Find
ourselves caught up in a vicious cycle in addressing our problems.
- Find a continuing
series of "catch 22's'' where every move we make to resolve a problem results in more or greater problems.
- Have been suffering
silently (or not so silently) with a problem for a long time, yet have not taken steps to get help to address the problem.
- Have decided on a creative problem solving solution, yet find ourselves incapable of implementing
the solution.
- Have chosen a problem solving course of action to pursue and find that we are unhappy with this
course of action; yet we choose to avoid looking for alternatives.
- Are afraid of pursuing a certain course of action because of the guilt we will feel if we do it.
- Find we are constantly obsessed with a problem yet take no steps to resolve it.
- Find we are immobilized in the face of our problems.
- Find that the only way to deal with problems is to avoid them, deny them, procrastinate about them, ignore
them, run away from them, turn our back on them.
- Find that we can argue both sides of our problem, becoming unable to make a decision.
What are the benefits of refuting
our irrational beliefs? Refuting our irrational beliefs we are able to:
- Unblock our
emotions and feelings about ourselves and our problems.
- Become productive,
realistic problem solvers.
- Gain greater
credibility with ourselves and others.
- Gain clarity,
purpose, and intention in addressing our current problems.
- Reduce the
fear of guilt or of hurting others in solving problems.
- Identify the
barriers and obstacles that must first be hurdled before our problems can be resolved.
- Come to greater
honesty about ourselves and our problems.
- Put our problem
into a realistic perspective as to its importance, magnitude, and probability of being solved.
- Separate
our feelings from the content of the problem.
- Live richer,
more authentic lives.
- View our
lives in a healthier perspective, with greater meaning and direction.
- Gain our
sense of humor in the presence of our problems and in their resolution.
- Recognize
our self-worth and self-goodness and separate it from the errors and mistakes we have made in our lives.
- Forgive ourselves
and others for mistakes made.
- Give ourselves
and others kindness, tenderness, and understanding during times of great stress.
- Gain a sense
of purpose and order in our lives as we solve problems.
- Feel productive
as we labor through the muck and mire of our problems.
- Respect our
rights and the rights of others as we solve problems.
- Clarify our feelings about the behavior of others without the barrier of self-censorship or fear of rejection.
- Gain a "win-win'' solution to problems, which involves ourselves with others. It opens us up to
compromise.
Steps to take in refuting an irrational belief
Step 1: Is your thinking & problem solving ability being blocked
by an irrational belief? Consider a specific problem as you answer the following questions:
- Am I going in circles
in trying to solve this problem?
- Is there something inside
of me that is preventing or keeping me from taking the necessary actions in this matter?
- Am I bothered by the thoughts
of what I or others "should do, act like, think, or feel'' in this situation?
- Do I find myself saying
how this situation "should be," having a hard time facing it the way it really is?
- Do I use fantasy or magical
thinking in looking at this problem? Am I always hoping that by some miracle it will go away?
- Am I burdened by the fear
of what others think of me as I work on this problem?
- Do I know what the solution
is, but become paralyzed in its implementation?
- Do I find myself using
a lot of "yes but's'' in discussing this problem?
- Do I find it easier to procrastinate, avoid, divert my attention, ignore, or run away from this problem?
- Is this problem causing much
distress and discomfort for me and/or others, and yet I remain stumped in trying to resolve it?
What are some examples of irrational
beliefs?
Irrational beliefs (negative) about
self:
- I do
not deserve positive attention from others.
- I should
never burden others with my problems or fears.
- I am
uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective, and untalented.
- I am
the worst example on earth of a person.
- I am
powerless to solve my problems.
- I have
so many problems, I might as well give up right now.
- I am
so dumb about things, I can never solve anything as complex as this.
- I am
the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.
Irrational beliefs
(negative) about others:
- No one
cares about anyone else.
- All
men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted.
- Successful
relationships are a trick; you have no control over how they turn out.
- People
are out to get whatever they can from you; you always end up being used.
- People
are so opinionated; they are never willing to listen to other's points of view.
- You
are bound to get hurt in a relationship; it makes no difference how you try to change it.
- There
is a loser in every fight, so avoid fights at all costs.
- All
people are out for #1; you need to know you'll always be #2, no matter what.
- It's
not who you are but what you do that makes you attractive to another person.
- What
counts in life is others' opinions of you.
- There is a need to be on guard in
dealing with others to insure that you don't get hurt
Irrational beliefs on other topics
- There
is only one way of doing things.
- Work
is the punishment man must endure for being human.
- A family
that plays (prays) together always stays together.
- Always
protecting against the forces of evil in life is the only way to live.
- There
are always two choices: right or wrong; black or white; win or lose; pass or fail; grow or stagnate.
- Once
you are married and have children, you join the normal human race.
- A handicapped
person is imperfect, to be pitied, and to be dropped along the path of life.
- Admitting
to a mistake or to failure is a sign of weakness.
- The
showing of any kind of emotion is wrong, a sign of weakness, and not allowable.
- Asking for help from someone else
is a way of admitting your weakness; it denies the reality that only you can solve your problems.
Step 2:If you have answered yes to any
or all of the questions in Step 1, you are probably facing a problem or situation in which a blocking irrational belief is
clouding your thinking. The next thing to do is to try to identify the blocking irrational belief. Answer the following questions
in your journal:
- Is the blocking belief something I have believed in all my life?
- Is the blocking belief coming from the teachings of my parents, church, family, peers, work, society,
culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, or social network?
- Is the blocking belief something that always recurs when I am trying to solve problems similar to
this one?
- Is the blocking belief something that has helped me solve problems successfully in the past?
- Is the blocking belief one that tends to make me dishonest w/myself about this problem?
- Is the blocking belief an immobilizing concept that sparks fear of guilt or fear of rejection in my
mind as I face this problem?
- Is the blocking belief something that can be stated in a sentence or two?
- Is the blocking belief a consistent statement as I face this problem, or does it tend to change as
variables of this problem become more clear to me?
- Is the blocking belief a tangible statement of belief or is it simply a feeling or intuition?
Can I state the blocking belief? If so, write it in your journal: My blocking belief
is:
Step 3:Once
you have identified the blocking belief in Step 2, test its rationality. Answer the following
questions about the belief, ``yes'' or ``no.''
- Is there any basis in reality to support this belief
as always being true?
- Does this belief encourage personal growth, emotional maturity, independence of thinking &
action, & stable mental health?
- Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will help you overcome this or future problems in
your life?
- Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will result in behavior that is self defeating for
you?
- Does this belief protect you & your rights as a person?
- Does this belief assist you in connecting honestly & openly w/others so that healthy,
growth engendering interpersonal relationships result?
- Does this belief assist you in being a creative, rational problem solver who is able to identify
a series of alternatives from which you can choose your own personal priority solutions?
- Does this belief stifle your thinking & problem solving ability to the point of immobilization?
- When you tell others of this belief do they support you because that is the way everyone in
your family, peer group, work, church, or community thinks?
- Is this belief an absolute? Is it a black or white, yes or no, win or lose, no options in
the middle type of belief?
Healthy answers are:
If you are unable to give healthy answers to one or more question in Step 2,
then your blocking belief is most likely irrational.
Step 4:
Once you have determined that the blocking belief
is irrational, you are ready to refute this irrational belief. Respond to the following questions in your journal:
· How do I consistently feel when
I think of this belief?
- Is there anything in reality to support this belief as being true?
- What in reality supports the lack of absolute truth in this belief?
- Does the truth of this belief exist only in the way I talk, act, or feel about this problem?
- What is the worst thing that could happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
- What positive things might happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
- What would be an appropriate, realistic belief I could substitute for this irrational belief?
- How would I feel if I substituted this new belief for my blocking belief?
- How will I grow & how will my rights and the rights of others be protected by this substitute
belief?
- What is keeping me from accepting this alternate belief?
Once you have answered these questions, substitute a rational belief & act on
it.
My substitute rational healthy belief is:
Step 5: If you still have trouble solving problems, return to Step 1 & begin again.
Individual Factors in eating disorders
- High personal expectations, always striving
to be perfect.
- Setting unrealistic goals that the person believes
will bring love & respect from family &/or friends.
- Feeling the need to gain control
over one's life.
- Overwhelming feelings of
being ineffective & inadequate may result in self starvation or the binge-purge cycle to gain
control & feel competent.
- Some people may outwardly give the impression
of being very much in control over their lives & of doing well & being disciplined, but in reality
have very low self esteem.
- Depression.
- Those who have difficulty expressing their
own needs & feelings (particularly negative feelings) may be at risk.
Family Factors
- There are no typical family patterns but relationships
& communication problems in a family contribute.
- Emphasis on self worth through achievement,
self discipline, weight control & attractiveness can have a severe impact on some young people.
- Family conflict or problems.
Cultural Factors
- Being told or socialised (through media etc)
to believe that thin is ideal & has endless benefits.
- Slim women in the media are always presented
as happy, successful & feminine.
- Women who're required to be thin for their
careers (models, dancers & athletes) are more frequently affected by eating disorders.
- Men are not immune to body image concerns &
eating disorders. Research suggests the muscular & lean image of men in the media is impacting on mens health in the same
way it does on womens.
Precipitating Factors
- A life crisis or a death, loss, new home, change
of job, school, personal failure or situations which pose a threat to self esteem can precipitate an eating disorder.
- An eating disorder may also develop from build-up
of problems which on their own seem small.
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welcome to night eating!
Please read the following as it contains important information for optimal site
navigation!
  If you haven't visited the homepage, you're missing out on some important info, so I'll just give you a "heads up" here!
You've reached "night eating," part of the emotional feelings network of sites. If you scroll
down to the footer on this page, you'll see the complete listing of all the sites in the network!
All of the sites
in the emotional feelings network of sites are linked together thru a very complete network of underlined link words. Anytime you see an underlined link word, if you should be
interested in more information concerning that word, simply click on it & a new browser window will appear. The page that
opens up will give you an entire page filled with information concerning the word of
your interest.
the emotional feelings network
of sites was designed like this because as an ex-night eater, I was also faced with many other life dysfunctions,
mental illness I was unaware of, domestic violence, a lack of any positive self esteem & so much more....
As I began my recovery,
I began to slowly discover how all of the subjects contained within the emotional feelings network
of sites are connected to each other. Soon I also discovered that there's power in educating yourself about it
all.
As you gain power thru your newly acquired knowledge, you begin to regain a
sense of control. As you begin to feel better, you become stronger & you're more able to begin your own journey
thru recovery & personal growth. Once you begin, you will see how the subjects contained within this network of sites
really is... all pertinent information for you - as a night eater!
visit the homepage for a better understanding of what's contained within the emotional feelings network of
sites!
thanks for stopping by.... i hope that something
within the network will be of use to you today....
kathleen
How
Do You Label Yourself?
Labels are incredibly powerful influences in your life. You may not be consciously
aware of even a fraction of your labels, whether they come from the outside world or from within
yourself. Either way, you must acknowledge the existence of labels, challenge the "fit," & confront
the impact these labels have on your concept of self.
Ask yourself the following questions in order to start
identifying & evaluating your labels. Write your answers down so that you can review them later.
1. How do you
label yourself? Are you a career woman, a mom, an accountant, a politician? Are you a failure or a winner?
Are you a "fat girl" or a "pretty girl?" Write down all the labels you attach to yourself, going back as far as you can remember.
2. Where did these labels come from? Did they come from
you? Your parents? A teacher? A friend? Look at each label you wrote down in the above question & identify where each
one came from.
3. Are you living to your labels? How are your labels working for you? What are your payoffs?
What Is Your Life Script?
from Dr. Phil.com
How fixed beliefs define our roles:
Our fixed beliefs
define the roles we play in life & have a lot to do w/the scripts that are running them. Just
as actors follow a play's script for lines, actions & attitude, we follow life scripts
according to what our fixed beliefs tell us. Are you telling yourself that you are a tragic character or heroic character?
Are you playing the loving mother, abusive husband, frustrated
artist or successful businessman?
Why scripts are dangerous:
Whatever your fixed beliefs are,
you have practiced your script for so long that you believe what it says about you & your potential.
This is why
life scripts are dangerous. We begin to perceive them as being set in stone. We even allow them to shape the way we
expect things to turn out. Fixed beliefs also influence the casting, location & wardrobe of our script. Who is "right"
for the part in our script & who isn't? What type of living arrangement & attire are appropriate for the character
we are playing, etc.?
When life scripts become limiting:
Because our scripts are based
on fixed beliefs, we tend to resist any challenges or changes to them. If we suddenly feel happy &
fulfilled, but our script says that we should feel sad & hopeless,
we tend to panic because we've gone "off script." It just doesn't feel right & besides, the happy
role belongs to someone else, doesn't it? This is an example of why most fixed beliefs are also limiting beliefs. They limit
our scripts by dictating what we can't do, don't deserve & aren't qualified for.
Self Matters Action Plan
from
Dr. Phil.com
You
can't change what you don't acknowledge. You can stop being passively shaped by the internal & external forces
in your life. It's time to move your self-concept away from a world-defined, fictional self toward a self-defined, authentic
self that is grounded in the here & now.
Here is an overview of Dr. Phil's Five-Step Action Plan:
Step
1: Isolate a Target Event
Decide which of your key external events has turned out to be the most toxic experience of your
life. This will be either one of your 10 defining moments, 7 critical choices or 5 pivotal people.
Then write a short
description of the target event. When you're done, read it over to make sure you are being honest in your account.
Step
2: Audit Your Internal Responses to That Triggering Event
Ask yourself the following
questions about the event you described in Step 1:
a) Where do you place a responsibility
or blame for that event, your locus of control? Who was responsible?
Did you have any control over the situation? Were you even old enough to have a say?
b) What has been the
tone & content of your internal dialogue since that event? Do you find your real-time, "normal speed" conversations in
your daily life reflecting the changes that occurred within you & are associated w/that event?
When you reflect on
this event, what do you say to yourself?
Even when you're not
reflecting directly on the event, but experience feelings of guilt & shame,
what do you say to yourself?
c) What labels have
you generated for yourself as a result of your event? What have you told yourself about you as a consequence of what happened?
d) What tapes has this
event generated or contributed to? Has this event caused you to develop an automatic, unthinking response that "predicts"
the outcome of any given situation?
e) What are the fixed
beliefs & resulting life script that you have constructed as a result of your event? Do you suspect you're living from
a "script" that was written as a result of this event?
Step 3: Test Your Internal Responses for Authenticity
You can test everything
you're saying to yourself & find out whether it is fictional or authentic by asking these 4 questions:
a) Is it
a true fact?
b) Does holding onto
the thought or attitude serve your best interest?
c) Are your thoughts
& attitudes advancing & protecting your health?
d) Do your thoughts
& beliefs get you what you want?
Step 4: Come up w/an "Authentically Accurate Alternative" Response
When you test your
negative internal dialogue & it fails (as it should because it isn't true), you need to do what Dr. Phil
calls "Triple-A thinking." This means replacing your fictional responses w/ones that are an Authentically Accurate Alternative.
How do you know your
new responses are AAA? Because they meet the authenticity standards outlined in Step 3. Start by dividing a page into 2 columns.
On the left, list your present fictional beliefs ("I am worthless").
On the right, list
as many alternative beliefs as you can. ("I am a worthy human being w/valuable qualities"
"I deserve to be treated w/respect" "I have things to contribute to the world").
Now
it's time to test your alternative beliefs.
a) Is the alternative true?
b) Is it in your best interest to hold these beliefs?
c) Do the alternatives advance & protect your health?
d) Do the alternatives get you what you truly want? Circle all of the alternative beliefs that have
passed the test. Now you can choose to adopt as many of these authentic alternative beliefs as you like. Step 5: Identify
& Execute Your Minimal Effective Response (MER)
The goal of Step 5
is emotional closure. You want to be able to close the book on the life event
that caused you so much pain w/a minimal amount of effort. Consider your alternatives for action & ask yourself
these 4 questions:
a) What action can you take to resolve the pain?
b) If you were successful
& achieved this action, how would you feel?
c) Does the feeling
you'll have match the feeling you want to have?
d) Remember the word
"minimal." Could there be some other, more emotionally or behaviorally economical action that would give you the emotional
resolve you want to feel?
Whatever your MER is, you need to identify it & do it so that you can achieve emotional
closure & move on to a more authentic, fulfilling life.
after reading the column on the left, are you saying to yourself,
"yeah, i do that & i do that, too?"
are you curious about how you can change some of those negative
self defeating habits?
do you think you could change some of those behaviors if you
knew how to attack them, one at a time?
have you ever had a song go through your mind playing
itself over & over again until you wonder..... "am i ever going to get this tune out of my brain?"
if the song is a sad song - love forlorn song
- do you begin to feel the melancholy setting into your mood? do happy upbeat tunes seem to always give
you an added boost of energy?
self affirmations are meant
to follow that same theory... telling yourself over & over again - repeating & repeating to yourself that you can do whatever it is you want to do
you deserve to have whatever it is you want
- telling yourself that can make a huge difference in your ability to set forth the action
to make the change in your behavior patterns that will set you up for success to achieve whatever you wish to achieve!.
What are negative self-scripts?
Before
we can become self-affirming, we need to learn about the effects of negativism in our lives.
Negative self-scripts are the:
- Negative beliefs you have about yourself & of which you remind yourself daily.
- Negative statements about yourself which sprinkle your everyday conversation.
- Self-deprecating remarks that influence your behavior or beliefs.
- Negative descriptions given to you by members of your family of
origin or peer group when you were younger onto which you hold even to this day.
- Negative feedback you get from your spouse, boss, teacher, colleagues,
children, parents, relatives, or others that you take personally & incorporate into your personal belief system.
- Negative self-images you have of your body, looks, face, weight,
coloring, hair, feet, or other parts of your body, which as you visualize, influence your presentation of self to others.
- Negative assessment you or others have made of your competency,
skills, ability, knowledge, intelligence, creativity, or common sense. You have agreed w/this internally & thus, believe
it true of you.
- Negative stories about your past behavior, failures, or performances
that you systematically run over in your mind & which influence your current conduct.
- Negative attitudes about the possibility of your achievement of
success in your life; these influence your motivation, effort, & drive for attainment of goals.
- Negative visualizations you have of your current status or state
in life to your personal detriment.
- Feelings of anger, resentment, hostility or rage you feel toward
others for real or imagined mistreatment. This immobilizes you so that your emotional
growth gets stunted & you feel negatively about both yourself & life in general.
- Feelings of guilt for real or imagined debilitating wrongs you have
committed that prevent positive self-valuing thoughts.
- Negative prophecies that you or others have made about yourself,
your future, successes,relationships, family, or health; these haunt you as you face a daily struggle
to "win'' in life.
Ways in which you deny yourself rewards for your goodness, hard work & caring by:
- Not taking time to enjoy the fruits of your labor
- Living in a style of self denial & austerity
Being afraid to let down your guard & relax, lest you fail to achieve
your ``Big Pay Off.''
- Feelings of over-responsibility w/which you burden yourself. This
includes the feeling that others in your life will never be able to fully take care of themselves & that you're "responsible''
for them no matter what.
- Dread & fear you have when facing your future; the belief that
you do not have what it takes to survive or to be successful in whatever circumstances you face.
- Feelings of failure you harbor about real or imagined mistakes in
the past & your "assured'' failures in the future.
- Feelings of jealousy you harbor toward others whom you perceive
(real or imagined) to be more successful, prettier, luckier, better liked, smarter, more talented, more creative, & generally
better off than you.
- Feelings of inferiority you harbor about yourself & the belief
that no matter what you do in life, it will never be "good enough."
- Feelings that there's someone in your life (e.g., your spouse, one of your parents, a family member,
a former teacher, a peer, co-worker, a boss).....
from whom you are still waiting to receive recognition of your worth, goodness, competency, beauty, & overall positive qualities.
What are self-affirmations?
Self-affirmations
are:
- Healing, positive self-scripts you give to yourself to counter your negative self-scripts.
- Vehicles by which you can free yourself from the over-dependence on other's opinions, attitudes, or
feelings about you & feel good about yourself.
- The visualization of a new order & sense in your life, which you can work toward achieving.
- You take personal responsibility for your health & emotional stability.
- You let go of negative emotional baggage you have been carrying. Only then will you be able to deal
w/your life in a realistic & positive manner.
- The resolution of feelings from the past so that you can face the present w/a less obstructed view.
- You give yourself permission to grow, to change, to take risks, to rise up, & to create a better
life for yourself.
- You take a healthy `"selfish'' or self-oriented route in your life so that you can "let go'' of these
people who drain your resources & keep you from experiencing full personal health.
- The recognition of your rights & affirming your claim on them, giving you an equitable chance
of achieving your fullest potential.
- Success prophecies that, when visualized, imagined, or believed in, do come true.
What shapes can positive self-affirmations take?
I statements:
"I'' statements are 1 line statements that can be repeated to cover 3 areas:
- I am: A statement of who you are
This is a positive affirmation of a real state of being that exists
in you. You can achieve a full list of "I am" statements by taking a personal positive inventory of your attributes, strengths,
talents, & competencies.
Examples include:
I can: A statement of your potential This is a positive affirmation of your ability to accomplish goals.
It is a statement of your belief in your power to grow, to change, & to help yourself. "I can" statements are developed
after you develop a set of "short-term'' (3 to 6 months) goals. Examples include:
- I can gain self-confidence
- I can be a problem solver
- I can handle my own problems
- I can be honest with my feelings
- I can let go of being compulsive
- I can lay back down when I wake up at night
- I can go back to sleep without eating at night
I will: A statement of positive change in your life This is a positive affirmation of a change you
want to achieve. It is a positive statement of what you want to happen. It is a ``success prophecy."I will" statements are
developed after you have set your priorities for the short-term goals you have set. Examples include:
- I will like myself better each day.
- I will gain emotional strength each day.
- I will lose weight each day.
- I will smoke less each day.
- I will control my temper today.
- I will give others responsibility for their lives today.
- I will grow emotionally stronger each day.
- I will smile more at my customers today.
- I will offer my comments in class today.
- I will praise my children today.
- I will feel good things about me today.
- I will sleep easily tonight.
- I will feel less guilt each day.
- I will face my fears courageously today.
- I will take on only what I can handle today.
- I will take care of me today.
- I will challenge myself to change today.
- I will manage my time better today.
- I will handle my finances wisely today.
- I will take a risk to grow today.
Statements of Belief:
The daily use of these "I'' statements is another form of self-affirmation designed to counter negative
self-concept. It can result in a positive attitude, optimism, & can motivate you toward emotional growth & progress.
Affirmation
word examples:
Affirmation phrase examples:
Affirmation of the day exercise
Write a single positive affirmation on thirty 3" x 5" index
cards. Take one card a day for each day of the month. This card is your affirmation for the day. When you get to the last
card start again.
To make this daily affirmation process grow, write out 30 different affirmations for each month
of the year. Keep the 360 cards in a recipe box & continually use the collection year after year, adding new affirmations
as you need them.
What is the outcome of believing in negative self-scripts? The outcome of believing in negative
self-scripts can include:
- Over-dependence on the approval of others: You have an inordinate need to receive positive reinforcement
or approval for what you are, how you act, & what you do from others, w/an inability to be self-rewarding.
- Lack of self-esteem & low self-concept: You have an inability to believe in your own worth, inability
to see any value in your own life, a poor self-image, & a lack of belief in your competency to succeed in life.
- Immobilization: A rigid belief system immobilizes you from taking risks in life, prevents you from
wanting to make a change, freezes your feelings into a negative pattern, & convinces you that your only role in life is
to be victimized by those from whom you cannot escape.
- Negativity: Your negative view of yourself leads you to see all of your world in a negative light.
You begin to believe & act as a "loser.'' You see nothing in a positive light & can't be convinced that there is a
better option in life.
- Pessimism: You no longer believe that you will succeed & are no longer willing to take an optimistic
position as you look to your future. You can see only gloom & doom on the horizon.
- Self-Pity: You begin to feel so sorry for yourself & how life has treated you that you become
your best ``pity party'' guest. You are so lost in your self-sorrow, regrets, remorse, sympathy, & pity that you refuse
to be shaken or changed. You begin to believe that no one will notice you if they can't feel sorry for you too.
- Cynicism: You take a "yes-but'' cynical look at every suggestion for change in your life. You begin
to doubt in the sincerity, kindness, & love of others who are trying to help you. You create a barrier of cynicism to
block them out, thus convincing yourself when they leave you that they really didn't care.
- The "Guard-All Shield'': You create an invisible shield, tough for others to see or to penetrate.
People will approach you & try to get involved, but you zap them with your shield & they back away or turn & run.
The shield is so subtle that at times you don't even know it exists, & you get confused by people pulling away from you.
This shield can take the form of coldness, wise cracking, fear of being hurt, aloofness, unwillingness to change or take a
risk, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, fear of hurting others, or any other feeling that
keeps you from connecting emotionally with another person.
- Fulfillment of the Prophecy: Because negative self-scripts predict the worst, you at some subconscious
level work to achieve the worst & succeed in fulfilling the negative prophecy of: failure, rejection, loss, disapproval,
or any other catastrophe or malady. It is a pattern of being self-destructive with one's life.
- Depression: Because of the anger, resentment, rage, hurt, disappointment, disillusionment, & suffering
you experience from your negative self-scripting you are a ``good'' candidate for firm & long-lasting depression.
Your emotions can become so stuck, rigid, & constricted that you can be embedded into a deep sense
of melancholy, blue funk, & loss of hope. At this stage you are a candidate for mental health intervention before the
depression reaches a despair level & you become even more self-destructive, possibly physically ill or suicidal.
Affirmation Visualizations
There are word, images or pictures & scenario visualizations,
all affirming positively.
Word Visualizations:
- Step 1: Take any single target word about who you are, your ability, or what you want to accomplish.
Write it on a 3 x 5 card.
- Step 2: Get yourself into a relaxed state, preferably just before you go to bed. Hold the card about
12" to 24" from your eyes. Focus your eyes on the word & concentrate your attention. Hold this thought for up to 20 or
30 minutes.
- Step 3: Do this exercise nightly for at least two weeks. As you continue, you are burning the image
of your goal word into your mind. It will be with you in your thoughts as you proceed in your everyday life.
Image Visualization:
Step 1: Create or find an image of an object, person, or thing that embodies your goal for who you
are, what your abilities are, or what you want to accomplish:
Step 2: Get yourself into a relaxed state &
either look at the picture or imagine you reaching your goal. Do this for 20 minutes each night for one month.
Step 3: Get copies of your picture or
a simulation of your goal, & tape them in places where you will see them as you go through your normal day.
Step 4: Continue to keep your images in
place until you have accomplished the "goal" feelings of success and/or achieved the "object" success. The important thing
is to believe that it is possible to achieve. This motivation is the most important step on your journey to success.
Scenario Visualizations:
Step 1: Once you have a goal in mind for yourself, daydream a full color movie in your mind of what your life would be like if you
achieved the goal.
Step 2: Get a tape recorder & talk
out the whole movie on tape. Be fully descriptive, colorful, positive, & uplifting. Use your imagination to the fullest
& describe how positively you will be handling the change resulting from your goal attainment. Describe how key "significant
others'' in your life will cope successfully with your change. Save this tape for future reference.
Step 3: Write out a description of the goal attainment
scenario, & keep it handy for future reference.
Step 4: When you are in a relaxed state,
listen to the tape & read your description of the scenario every day for two weeks.
Step 5: Refer back to the tape & script
as time goes on until you have reached full attainment of your goal.
Self-affirmation statements
These forms of affirmation are words, phrases, or statements written
on 3 x 5 index cards & placed where you can see them daily and be reminded of positive aspects about yourself. Every time
you see these affirmation cards they will remind you to affirm yourself about these positive qualities or attributes. State
all affirmations in a positive way.
Suggested places for affirmation cards:
- in books you use at work or school
Affirmation statement examples:
- I am the best friend I have.
- I have solved problems like this before.
- I have the ability to handle this.
- I am a capable human being.
- I deserve to love and to be loved.
- I am a skillful & artistic person.
- I can show others a good example.
- Letting go is best for them & for me.
- They will thank me in the future.
- Nothing is worth losing my sanity over.
- I am responsible only for my own feelings.
- I owe no one explanations for my behavior, which is legally, morally & ethically correct.
- I deserve to have my rights recognized.
- I am a deserving human being.
- I deserve to enjoy the fruits of my labor.
- I deserve to be rewarded for what I do.
- I love myself for who I am.
- It is OK to be selfish if I don't hurt anyone.
- I like the way I handle problems.
- I am able to handle any problem I face.
- I have the right to feel the way I do.
- My children will benefit from my healthy changes.
- My children will survive my healthy changes.
- My family will benefit from my relaxing more.
- I deserve to relax more & take it easy.
- There are beautiful things happening in my life daily.
- I experience the excitement of growth daily.
- Change is a blessing I am working toward.
- Taking risks is the path to growth.
- I face each new day as a race to be won.
- I am winning in the race of life.
- I am a rich treasure ready to be found.
- Let others know who I am.
- Say hello to a new person today.
- Open up to be loved today.
- There are opportunities in life to be tried.
- My possibilities are endless.
- Success is to be enjoyed.
- Open myself up w/1 new person today.
- Belief in self is a step toward personal growth.
- I can handle all changes that come my way.
- There is nothing I cannot handle.
- Smile & let others in on the secret.
visit coping.org this information was found there!
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night eating
this is a self-help and support
site for those experiencing binge eating habits only at night....
please take note that i am not a medical
or mental health professional & do recommend that you get both medical and mental health advice from professionals about
your situation with night eating...
Click here to visit the Red Cross page that allows you to access your
local chapter of the Red Cross by entering your zip code in the specified box, to see how you can help in your area.
you've been visiting night
eating
please have a great day & take a few minutes to explore
some of the other sites in the emotional feelings network of sites!
explore the unresolved emotions & feelings that may be the cause of some of your pain & hurt... be curious & open
to new possibilities! thanks again for visiting at anxieties 102!
almost 30 sites, all designed, editted & maintained by kathleen!
until next time: consider
yourself hugged by a friend today!
til' next time! kathleen
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