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You are obsessed, arent' you?
Obsessions with food
Obsessed
w/Food
from Dr.
Phil.com
If your entire day is consumed w/thoughts of food, calories or weight, your problem may have nothing
to do w/your waistline.
Food & Diet Obession
If most of your day is spent thinking about what you just ate or what you're going to eat next, Dr. Phil
says that the possible roots of your obsession may surprise you.
- Most of the time, obsessive
behavior & compulsive thinking about food have nothing to do w/food. They have everything to do w/your self-image. It's just that the battlefield you've chosen is food. It's where you've chosen to exercise tight control in hopes that none
of your underlying fears & emotions will creep up on you.
- People often use
food as a control mechanism. Having an obsession w/food & controlling your intake of it can be a substitute for
having command over what you really want to control: how you feel about yourself.
- Ask yourself what would happen
if you didn't focus on food so much & let go of the control. Do you fear you'd be a worthless human being?
What if you said, "My
body image is independent of my self-image. If I'm a good, caring & loving parent/spouse/child & an honest, responsible citizen, it doesn't matter how much I weigh"? You may want to weigh less &
that's OK. But weight & self-image aren't the same thing.
- Know
that you can unlearn this behavior. Everybody has a definition of success. If your definition of success is to have
hyper-control of food intake, it's the wrong definition. You need to change your definition.
- Understand that ending obsessive
behavior w/food sometimes isn't the answer to the problem because it doesn't deal w/the root of the problem: internal
dialogue that says you're a bad person if you don't weigh a certain amount. You need to change your internal dialogue.
- When discussing food obsession,
Dr. Phil believes it's important to note that one of the biggest problems w/ weight loss programs today is that they're highly
focused on food.
Many popular programs incorporate
a regimented diet in which people have to weigh food & count calories, etc. People often go on a diet because they don't
want to eat as much but the structure of the diet requires them to spend their entire day focused on food,
which only exacerbates the problem.
Protecting Yourself From Sabotage
from Dr. Phil.com
Have you made positive life changes & then been surprised
by how others react? Do friends & family act as though your growth threatens them? Are they not supporting you in ways
you expected them to?
Don't be surprised if those closest to you try to sabotage your efforts. Sometimes people will
unconsciously try to keep you "on script" w/your fictional self in order to protect you or protect themselves from change.
Dr. Phil suggests that you weigh carefully what others have to say because there may be something of value offered,
but also keep in mind their possible motives.
There are 4 basic patterns of behavior that others typically use to
destroy your quest for authenticity - whether they know it or not. It's important to be aware of these patterns & not
allow "carriers of toxicity" to set you back.
The 4 destructive behaviors are:
1.
Overprotection
The underlying message here is one of fear. "I don't
want you to get hurt." "Trying something new could result in failure."
This pattern is dangerous because it's often masked as love & concern
& is therefore difficult to fight.
2. Power Manipulation
In this form of sabotage,
people attempt to take away your personal power in order to maintain their old relationship w/you.
They figure that if they treat you like a child, you will yield to their suggestions like a child. "What idiot told you it
would be good to go back to school?" "Do you honestly think you'll keep the weight off?"
3.
Leveling
People who feel inadequate will sometimes try to "level"
those who have what they want. Your success could pose a threat & cause them to sabotage you in any way they can in order
to bring you down to their level.
4. Safety in the Status Quo
People are comfortable
w/circumstances that they know, even if the circumstances are bad. A change for the better is still a change - a complete
threat to familiarity & the security of the status quo. Don't be surprised if others perceive your reconnection w/your
authentic self as something threatening that they need to destroy.
compare these irrational beliefs to Dr. Phil's
life beliefs... they're really the same thing... read about irrational beliefs, negative scripts and positive affirmations
next!
Handling Irrational Beliefs
What are irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs are:
- Messages about life we send to ourselves that keep
us from growing emotionally.
- Scripts we have in our head about how we believe life "should be"
for us & for others.
- Unfounded attitudes, opinions, & values we hold to that are out of
synchrony with the way the world really is.
- Negative sets of habitual responses we hold to when faced w/stressful events
or situations.
- Stereotypic ways of problem solving we fall into in order to deal w/life's
pressures.
- Ideas, feelings, beliefs, ways of thinking, attitudes, opinions, biases, prejudices,
or values with which we were raised.
We've become accustomed to using them when faced w/problems in our current
life, even when they aren't productive in helping us reach a positive, growth-enhancing solution.
- Self-defeating ways of acting. On the surface they may look appropriate
for the occasion, but actually they result in a neutral or negative consequence for us.
- Habitual ways of thinking, feeling, or acting that we think are effective;
however, in the long run they are ineffectual.
- Counterproductive ways of thinking, which give comfort & security in
the short run, but either do not resolve or actually exacerbate the problem in the long run.
- Negative or pessimistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such
as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
- Overly optimistic or idealistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences
such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
- Emotional arguments for taking or not taking action in the face of a challenge.
When followed they result in no personal gain, but rather in greater personal hardship or loss.
- Patterns of thinking that make us appear to others as stubborn,
bullheaded, intemperate, argumentative, or aloof.
- Ways of thinking about ourselves that are out of context w/the real facts,
resulting in our either under-valuing or over-valuing ourselves.
- Means by which we become confused about the intentions of others when we're
enmeshed in interpersonal problems w/them.
Lifelong messages sent to us either formally or informally by:
many visitors to the site read over the information
and then send me an email stating: "I've had a good life! I don't remember any traumas or abuse in my past!"
Not remembering is only part of the blockage you have, but
then again, how would you know if the parenting style your parents used in raising you was the reason for some irrational
or unfactual beliefs that you carry with you now?
Dr. Phil says to find out the facts... check out this article,
it might get your thought processes looking for that buried file in your memory that can cause a spark of memory for you...
"When Parents Love Too Much"
Excerpted from: "Hungry For Love"
by Laurie Ashner
& Mitch Meyerson
"There're people starving in China!"
" My mothers
answer to everything- black eyes, bad grades, fights w/friends, broken engagements- is always the same: 'Don't worry about
it honey. Have a cookie.'"
Marci, Age 22, Manager
Some of us
find ourselves in an intimate relationship that allows us to be comforted w/out being vulnerable,
to take w/out giving & to feel intimate w/out taking the risk of being abandoned.
This relationship is w/food.
What is the connection between growing up in
a home brimming w/excessive love, attention, protection
& high parental expectations & the initial development of an obsession w/food, weight &
dieting?
It's widely accepted
that abnormal patterns of food consumption are expressions of underlying problems. Once physical causes have been ruled
out, it's a sign that our psychological needs aren't being
met.
Food is being used to meet our emotional needs
& to accomplish what we can't accomplish in healthier, more direct
ways.
Food can seem like an elixir
Food can seem like an elixir to children who
were loved too much, whose childhood experience resulted in a host of inner conflicts they have
yet to solve. Such children can use food in an attempt to accomplish the following:
- To avoid feelings
- To avoid conflict
- To relieve anxiety
caused by the high expectations of parents
- To wrest control away from controlling
parents, when active resistance is too threatening
- To get into the family spotlight
- To nurture oneself
- To fend off intimacy
- To punish oneself in response to guilt
- To quiet restless dissatisfaction
- To rebel against looking good
- To avoid maturity
But, why do we turn to food?
Why not alcohol or drugs or some other obsession
equally "useful" for this purpose? There's a very good reason for this. Food & to a certain extent obsessions
w/food, are socially acceptable. Our entire culture appears obsessed w/dieting & weight
at times.
Children who're overparented & schooled
in "looking good" are keen observers of what's acceptable to others. They find a lot of company
in other people equally obsessed w/their bodies, their diets & their weight & feel safety in numbers.
Unfortunately, a predisposition
to using food to fulfill emotional needs can lead to the development of full-blown eating disorders such as bulimia
& anorexia nervosa.
Compulsive overeating
Compulsive overeating while not technically classified by medical experts as an
eating disorder, nonetheless plagues many children who were loved too much.
The compulsive overeater is obsessed w/thoughts of food, dieting & weight.
Eating may be continuous & food is so rapidly consumed - almost inhaled - that the result is often obesity.
Life is a roller coaster of overeating, vowing to diet, feeling anxious, moody & deprived &
"blowing the diet."
The cycle is repeated, making the compulsive overeater feel guilty & hopelessly out of control.
Eating disorders are family illnesses
Our
family is the setting in which we become a separate self. When a family member develops an eating disorder, its a cue that
something is wrong within the family, not just the individual, although the person that develops the disorder may be the only
one showing the stress outwardly.
In
families characterized by obsessive love, closeness & protection, this is especially hard to see.
Its
important to parents who love too much that the family presents a united, harmonious appearance
to the rest of the world.
Conflict,
distance between the family members & other problems are jammed under the layers of denial.
On
the surface, everything looks fine, except for the fact that the child has developed an obsession w/food that's controlling
his or her life.
Not
everyone who uses food to fill unmet needs becomes "addicted" or develops bulimia or anorexia. However if we need comfort,
love, or respite from anxiety & we repeatedly turn to food for relief, we set the stage for an unhealthy dependence that
can be turned into a full scale eating disorder.
Food
works. It'll comfort us - but only for a sort time. But until we can find healthier ways of meeting our needs, we will be
hard put to give it up & recover.
How can we recognize irrational beliefs?
Our beliefs are unproductive in solving our current problem or crisis, but
we are either unwilling or unable to let go of them. These messages can be very clear to us or they can be hidden in our subconscious.
Conclusions about life that we have developed over time, living in an irrational environment not identified as being
irrational (e.g., beliefs developed as a member of a high-stress family).
Standards by which we were reared &
from which we learned how to act, what to believe, & how to express or experience feelings. When followed, however, these
standards do not result in a satisfactory resolution of our current problems.
Ritualistic ways by which we pursue our
relationships w/others, resulting in nonproductive relationships & increased emotional stress.
Outmoded, unproductive,
unrealistic expectations exacted on ourselves and/or others, guaranteed to be unattainable & to result in continuing negative
self-concepts.
Irrational beliefs can be present if we:
- Find
ourselves caught up in a vicious cycle in addressing our problems.
- Find a continuing
series of "catch 22's'' where every move we make to resolve a problem results in more or greater problems.
- Have been suffering
silently (or not so silently) with a problem for a long time, yet have not taken steps to get help to address the problem.
- Have decided on a creative problem solving solution, yet find ourselves incapable of implementing
the solution.
- Have chosen a problem solving course of action to pursue and find that we are unhappy with this
course of action; yet we choose to avoid looking for alternatives.
- Are afraid of pursuing a certain course of action because of the guilt we will feel if we do it.
- Find we are constantly obsessed with a problem yet take no steps to resolve it.
- Find we are immobilized in the face of our problems.
- Find that the only way to deal with problems is to avoid them, deny them, procrastinate about them, ignore
them, run away from them, turn our back on them.
- Find that we can argue both sides of our problem, becoming unable to make a decision.
What are the benefits of refuting
our irrational beliefs? Refuting our irrational beliefs we are able to:
- Unblock our
emotions and feelings about ourselves and our problems.
- Become productive,
realistic problem solvers.
- Gain greater
credibility with ourselves and others.
- Gain clarity,
purpose, and intention in addressing our current problems.
- Reduce the
fear of guilt or of hurting others in solving problems.
- Identify the
barriers and obstacles that must first be hurdled before our problems can be resolved.
- Come to greater
honesty about ourselves and our problems.
- Put our problem
into a realistic perspective as to its importance, magnitude, and probability of being solved.
- Separate
our feelings from the content of the problem.
- Live richer,
more authentic lives.
- View our
lives in a healthier perspective, with greater meaning and direction.
- Gain our
sense of humor in the presence of our problems and in their resolution.
- Recognize
our self-worth and self-goodness and separate it from the errors and mistakes we have made in our lives.
- Forgive ourselves
and others for mistakes made.
- Give ourselves
and others kindness, tenderness, and understanding during times of great stress.
- Gain a sense
of purpose and order in our lives as we solve problems.
- Feel productive
as we labor through the muck and mire of our problems.
- Respect our
rights and the rights of others as we solve problems.
- Clarify our feelings about the behavior of others without the barrier of self-censorship or fear of rejection.
- Gain a "win-win'' solution to problems, which involves ourselves with others. It opens us up to
compromise.
Steps to take in refuting an irrational belief
Step 1: Is your thinking & problem solving ability being blocked
by an irrational belief? Consider a specific problem as you answer the following questions:
- Am I going in circles
in trying to solve this problem?
- Is there something inside
of me that is preventing or keeping me from taking the necessary actions in this matter?
- Am I bothered by the thoughts
of what I or others "should do, act like, think, or feel'' in this situation?
- Do I find myself saying
how this situation "should be," having a hard time facing it the way it really is?
- Do I use fantasy or magical
thinking in looking at this problem? Am I always hoping that by some miracle it will go away?
- Am I burdened by the fear
of what others think of me as I work on this problem?
- Do I know what the solution
is, but become paralyzed in its implementation?
- Do I find myself using
a lot of "yes but's'' in discussing this problem?
- Do I find it easier to procrastinate, avoid, divert my attention, ignore, or run away from this problem?
- Is this problem causing much
distress and discomfort for me and/or others, and yet I remain stumped in trying to resolve it?
What are some examples of irrational
beliefs?
Irrational beliefs (negative) about
self:
- I do
not deserve positive attention from others.
- I should
never burden others with my problems or fears.
- I am
uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective, and untalented.
- I am
the worst example on earth of a person.
- I am
powerless to solve my problems.
- I have
so many problems, I might as well give up right now.
- I am
so dumb about things, I can never solve anything as complex as this.
- I am
the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.
Irrational beliefs
(negative) about others:
- No one
cares about anyone else.
- All
men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted.
- Successful
relationships are a trick; you have no control over how they turn out.
- People
are out to get whatever they can from you; you always end up being used.
- People
are so opinionated; they are never willing to listen to other's points of view.
- You
are bound to get hurt in a relationship; it makes no difference how you try to change it.
- There
is a loser in every fight, so avoid fights at all costs.
- All
people are out for #1; you need to know you'll always be #2, no matter what.
- It's
not who you are but what you do that makes you attractive to another person.
- What
counts in life is others' opinions of you.
- There is a need to be on guard in
dealing with others to insure that you don't get hurt
Irrational beliefs on other topics
- There
is only one way of doing things.
- Work
is the punishment man must endure for being human.
- A family
that plays (prays) together always stays together.
- Always
protecting against the forces of evil in life is the only way to live.
- There
are always two choices: right or wrong; black or white; win or lose; pass or fail; grow or stagnate.
- Once
you are married and have children, you join the normal human race.
- A handicapped
person is imperfect, to be pitied, and to be dropped along the path of life.
- Admitting
to a mistake or to failure is a sign of weakness.
- The
showing of any kind of emotion is wrong, a sign of weakness, and not allowable.
- Asking for help from someone else
is a way of admitting your weakness; it denies the reality that only you can solve your problems.
Step 2:If you have answered yes to any
or all of the questions in Step 1, you are probably facing a problem or situation in which a blocking irrational belief is
clouding your thinking. The next thing to do is to try to identify the blocking irrational belief. Answer the following questions
in your journal:
- Is the blocking belief something I have believed in all my life?
- Is the blocking belief coming from the teachings of my parents, church, family, peers, work, society,
culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, or social network?
- Is the blocking belief something that always recurs when I am trying to solve problems similar to
this one?
- Is the blocking belief something that has helped me solve problems successfully in the past?
- Is the blocking belief one that tends to make me dishonest w/myself about this problem?
- Is the blocking belief an immobilizing concept that sparks fear of guilt or fear of rejection in my
mind as I face this problem?
- Is the blocking belief something that can be stated in a sentence or two?
- Is the blocking belief a consistent statement as I face this problem, or does it tend to change as
variables of this problem become more clear to me?
- Is the blocking belief a tangible statement of belief or is it simply a feeling or intuition?
Can I state the blocking belief? If so, write it in your journal: My blocking belief
is:
Step 3:Once
you have identified the blocking belief in Step 2, test its rationality. Answer the following
questions about the belief, ``yes'' or ``no.''
- Is there any basis in reality to support this belief
as always being true?
- Does this belief encourage personal growth, emotional maturity, independence of thinking &
action, & stable mental health?
- Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will help you overcome this or future problems in
your life?
- Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will result in behavior that is self defeating for
you?
- Does this belief protect you & your rights as a person?
- Does this belief assist you in connecting honestly & openly w/others so that healthy,
growth engendering interpersonal relationships result?
- Does this belief assist you in being a creative, rational problem solver who is able to identify
a series of alternatives from which you can choose your own personal priority solutions?
- Does this belief stifle your thinking & problem solving ability to the point of immobilization?
- When you tell others of this belief do they support you because that is the way everyone in
your family, peer group, work, church, or community thinks?
- Is this belief an absolute? Is it a black or white, yes or no, win or lose, no options in
the middle type of belief?
Healthy answers are:
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