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are you feeling invalidated in your life? do you understand what invalidation is? click here to read about invalidation, and let me know thru the following form if you are experiencing
this in your life presently or in your past!
Let me know what's going on in your life! Fill out the following
form!
welcome to night eating!
Please read the following as it contains important information for optimal site
navigation!
  If you haven't visited the homepage, you're missing out on some important info, so I'll just give you a "heads up" here!
You've reached "night eating," part of the emotional feelings network of sites. If you scroll
down to the footer on this page, you'll see the complete listing of all the sites in the network!
All of the sites
in the emotional feelings network of sites are linked together thru a very complete network of underlined link words. Anytime you see an underlined link word, if you should be
interested in more information concerning that word, simply click on it & a new browser window will appear. The page that
opens up will give you an entire page filled with information concerning the word of
your interest.
the emotional feelings network
of sites was designed like this because as an ex-night eater, I was also faced with many other life dysfunctions,
mental illness I was unaware of, domestic violence, a lack of any positive self esteem & so much more....
As I began my recovery,
I began to slowly discover how all of the subjects contained within the emotional feelings network
of sites are connected to each other. Soon I also discovered that there's power in educating yourself about it
all.
As you gain power thru your newly acquired knowledge, you begin to regain a
sense of control. As you begin to feel better, you become stronger & you're more able to begin your own journey
thru recovery & personal growth. Once you begin, you will see how the subjects contained within this network of sites
really is... all pertinent information for you - as a night eater!
visit the homepage for a better understanding of what's contained within the emotional feelings network of
sites!
thanks for stopping by.... i hope that something
within the network will be of use to you today....
kathleen
the following are some replies i have sent
in responses to e-mails. it may be helpful to look over the info... some is repetitive, but some isn't. check it out to see
if it answers any of your questions while you are waiting for a response for your own personal email!
geez, sounds like you have tried a few things
to stop the night eating but there was no mention of some of the following topics:
- have you experienced a dysfunctional family
life in the past?
- have you experienced a crisis or trauma in your past?
- what are your personal & family relationships
like?
- have you experienced a big disappointment in
your life?
- have you ever experienced depression or an anxiety disorder?
- has there been a goal you have wished to achieve
but haven't been able to?
let me explain to you more about night eating....
night eating is almost comparable to smoking
- we all have a vice that we have trouble getting rid of. for some people this vice is a coping method, such as:
- drinking alcohol to relax and avoid facing
other problems
- using drugs to feel better
- shopping or spending excessive amounts of money
in the belief that shopping makes you happy
- promiscuous sexual behavior looking for love
in a confusion that love is sex
- eating food to feel better or feel comforted
in an attempt to cope with unresolved emotions or feelings
smoking is also a coping mechanism for some
people. exercise can get out of control as well and become an obsession to cope with traumas, unresolved emotions & feelings
and so on...
night eating is the frosting on the cake so
to speak... it's a last ditch effort for your psyche or your subconcious mind to cope w/something that is bothering you to
an extreme
sometimes we don't realize what it is that is
bothering us. our defense mechanisms rush into action to protect us from feeling hurt, abandoned, disappointed or resolving
issues that have pained us in some way throughout our lives....
night eating comes into play because physically
we're so tired at night that we can't control our eating habits at that time... from sleep when we are groggy...
we can control our eating all day & night
eaters have a tendency to not eat during the day because we know that we have eaten too much in the night time.
to tie this all together - night eaters are
those who are hit at their weakest times as if our mind is telling us - hey wake up! this problem has to be faced - you must
stop the night eating - you must get control of whatever it is that is your issue....
getting control of night eating is difficult
for several reasons. first one being - it's a habit.
habits are difficult to break. if you research
"breaking habits" on the internet you will see that many people have strategies to beat whatever habit they are trying to
break. some people say that habits take 40 days to break - & that you must replace the negative habit you're trying to
break w/a positive habit -
secondly your body's metabolism is being totally
thrown out of whack - i'm not sure what you're eating at night, but the majority of night eaters tend to eat white flour /
white sugar foods that are comparable to the make up of alcohol...
we develop a physical dependence, addiction, so
to speak, with the food we eat at night... when we eat too much food at night we even wake up w/a "food hangover" making us
avoid food for much of the morning & early afternoon hours
thirdly - whatever the originating issue is
that you aren't resolving within yourself is eating you alive so to speak. you must dig deep within yourself & find out
what the problem is & then develop a plan to fix it. sometimes it takes a process to be able to do this because you must
first squelch the symptoms of your disorder, (night eating) or anxiety, worry, depression, unhappiness or whatever you are
experiencing to be able to clear your head to think about it.
the bulleted topics at the beginning of this
email are the average possibilities that most night eaters have experienced, but can you believe that a car accident or a
broken relationship can also cause what you are experiencing?
the second bulleted list are the usual coping
mechanisms people use. divorce, separation & custody battles can also cause such distress that people become night eaters.
okay - all i can do is offer advice, as i am
only a fellow night eater who has beaten it, but i do continue to fight the urge to night eat because my recovery is not complete.
it may be that night eaters have to fight the urge their entire lives - no one seems to know enough about it...
so as long as you understand i'm not a medical
or mental health professional & this advice is totally from my experience, research & knowledge acquired from
talking to other night eaters for years...
you seem to have an ability to train. your success
w/your weight lifting & body building may be part of your issues to control things about yourself. anorexics & bulimics
struggle w/issues of control & night eating is also involved with it....
you may have an insecurity about your potential...
it's good that you've done relaxation techniques in the past & i urgently encourage you to continue
relaxation breathing throughout your day & to begin a brief meditation in the evening or morning periods to begin
to unravel your thoughts...
meditation will allow you to clear your mind
& find your center. study the practicing of tai chi or aikido to learn more about this. meditation can help you to regain
control of your eating.
another important factor is sleep hygiene. developing regular sleep habits & following a routine before your bedtime will help you to sleep better. once you go
to bed, ( & if you have a tv in your bedroom - get rid of it) practice your relaxation breathing, meditate awhile about
something you may have learned or discovered about yourself & begin to use positive affirmations about staying in bed
at night.
you can read about positive affirmations at
my website - emotional feelings... & can access it from night eating.
you must tell yourself to stay in bed once you
wake up at night. if you replace your thoughts of fear of eating at night w/the simple thought of staying in bed at night
it can really be effective. telling yourself, "i can stay in bed at night" when you wake up tell yourself, "lay back down,
do not get out of the bed" "do not put your foot on the floor" "i can stay in bed & go back to sleep" "i want to sleep
more"
beginning this habit & continuing it will
eventually help you from getting out of bed.
the next thing you must do is establish a regimented
daytime eating schedule of eating small meals 4-6 times a day... limit your eating at night... eat a small snack at least
2 hours before bedtime & then drink less until bedtime... this will keep you from getting up to go to the bathroom
remove all foods from your home that contain
white flour & white sugar...
if you do eat at night, try to eat something
like chicken breast - meat - something protein
start w/all this stuff & this is alot! be
calm - not anxious about making changes - visit coping.org's website & emotional feelings & check out my personal
inventory at anxieties 101 to learn how to look for past traumas & clues into your personal puzzle to determine why you're
night eating....
think about you... be kind to yourself... get
a massage.... don't worry about the night eating, think positively instead about staying in bed & practicing something
in this email instead.... learn about emotions by study emotional feelings... learning positive coping methods will help as
well - i still believe that education is the key to understanding... once you understand how it all works you can beat it...
but begin to believe this is a puzzle for you to solve & you'll look at the challenge differently!
write anytime w/questions, comments or just
to say hi! i'm here all the time - keep me posted on your progress & you'll still eat at night, just keep trying &
don't give up... it'll begin to stop the more you practice these things...
if you do have a major crisis/trauma in your
life presently or in your past, you may want to consider finding a counselor who's experienced in eating disorders, depression
& anxiety disorders.
best of luck & really!!! write whenever
you'd like... i'd love to help you further...
kathleen
It's a strange thing that night eating, isn't
it? Most people feel very uncomfortable talking about it because of its strange nature & the fact that there's so little
known about it.
Doctors, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Counselors
- well almost every single professional I have spoken to about it, including a sleep specialist shies away from talking about
because they just don't have any information to share about it.
(Truth be told - i honestly believe that they're
afraid of their ignorance on the subject so they just want to put it back onto you.... in some way by avoiding the subject)
What I do know is this,... from experience
& from talking to others that are night eaters... & what I have read about it....
The reason we eat at night is because it's
our weakest time. We can control ourselves during the day, although, when things get tough & our life circumstances
are uncomfortable or depression sets in we may have periods of binging in the daytime, but we can hide that & deny the
fact to ourselves.
Most night eaters do control the eating all
day & they usually don't eat at all! There's 2 reasons for that:
- one: we can control our eating
during the day because we know how much we consumed the night before as far as sugar or caloric intake & it makes us feel
"guilty, self loathing & fearful" of getting fat or fatter. we feel ashamed of ourselves. so all day we don't eat to make
up for it! most night eaters eat sugary, white sugar, white flour foods because those are highly addictive due to their
make up - very similar to alcohol in fact
- two: most of the time people who
eat at night wake up with a food hangover. first of all if there are crumbs on your pillow, food still in your mouth, a trail
of crumbs from the refrigerator to your bed, you get all pissed off & humiliated. then you feel like crap because
you consumed so much sugary white flour foods that you normally wouldn't eat.... or some strange combinations... again you
realize how out of control you were in the night, when you were tired & couldn't control yourself
then there's the factor that night eating has
become a "habit" which takes time to change & one must adopt another habit to replace the one we are trying to remove.
i have traced my night eating to
traumas i experienced throughout my lifetime, beginning w/childhood, into a dysfunctional family throughout my teens, an alcohol
problem through my 20's & 30's further trauma throughout my adult years living in a domestic violence situation &
living w/a lifetime of post traumatic stress disorder & depression....
most of all - i never dealt w/any
of my emotions or feelings....
i had a very bad sense of self esteem
- or i didn't have any self esteem....
most people who have eating disorders do have
issues that are family related that have caused them some trauma at one time or another in their lifetime that produced emotions
or feelings that have never been dealt w/or resolved.
now you are saying to youself, that
sounds familiar, but what do i do about it? right?
well, it's like this.
it's not comfortable, it's hard
& it takes a long time. first of all, keep talking about it. talk to your wife about it. talk to your family about it.
talk to your friends about it. begin to treat it like it is - a part of your life.
it's not your fault. it's a sickness,
a disorder, just like any medical illness. it's just that not many people know much about it.
they know about anorexia & bulimia &
binging, but people are afraid to come out of their night eating closets to talk about it.... it's beginning to become more
exposed, but not much. so talk about it.
start to think about your life ____, are you
happy? do you have a close relationship with your wife? are you happy with your career? are you anxious, depressed or experiencing
an anxiety disorder?
educate yourself as if you were a student in
college once you evaluate your life & your issues & have the answers to these questions.
no one will make you better - you have to take
the bull by the horns & you can do it & find out, like a puzzle what is bothering you so much that you have to eat
at night.
write down your life ____, evaluate it. talk
to me about it if you want.... talk to someone about it.... if you feel as though you need counseling - we can talk about
that too...
it's another long letter...poor you - i am way
too wordy, but i am just like that ... sorry..
you wanted to know anyway... there is no short
answer to getting better. begin to study your lifestyle factors. evaluate your diet, your sleep habits, your exercise habits
& your relaxation habits.
i have a website that is being re-vamped but
it is available - click here - to visit it and you will see the techniques that are available to begin to take care of yourself
like you need to take care of yourself....
then go to emotional feelings, my other website
and study emotions & feelings.... just read about them...
learn about sleep hygeine - after you learn
all that stuff, make sure you go for a walk everyday.... just around the block or something like that. think about how you
would like your life to be.... frank, it's all about how unhappy we are really....
then begin to change one thing. only one thing.
stay in your bed at night. when you wake up, and you pull back the covers, in a frenzy or hurry to hop out of bed to trek
off to the fridge, don't do it. stay in the bed. tell yourself to stay in the bed.
ask your wife to help you stay in the bed. your
main focus should not be about the eating, it should just be about staying in bed & going right back to sleep. learn relaxation
breathing. practice it over & over again while you are trying to stay in bed.
you'll have good nights & bad nights, but
just keep trying & don't berate yourself if you get up... the next time just try again to stay in the bed.
it will happen. first it will be once. then
it will be twice in the same night you can stay in the bed. slowly you will stay in bed all night. you may end up night eating,
but if you stayed in bed just once there's a chance you can do it again. practicing relaxation breathing & meditation
can help you too.
eat during the day, buy fruit & eat
it! make yourself eat breakfast lunch and dinner and have a snack before bedtime....
i'll give you a break & stop typing for
now, that's a ton of info....mull it over... anytime you want to talk, i'm here.
if you have any questions, just ask... i'm always
here & if my wordiness bothers you a whole bunch, please tell me... i'll do my best to send several shorter emails if
that's preferable for you.
hey, if you need your wife to be more supportive,
i'll be glad to email her too if you think it will help.
best wishes, i am so grateful for your e-mail.
i hope just one thing i said in this very lengthy email makes sense to you....
have a great day tomorrow & begin to have
some hope for the end of the night eating...
you can do it! Kathleen
night eating is a last ditch effort to reach
out for help.... but there's no one to help you because no one wants to talk about it - frustrating to say the least...
gender based strengths & weaknesses
this study was taken in the workplace, but i honestly believe
that it runs over into personal lives as well...
Women's Behaviors That Need Attention
The most problematic factor
for women is Managing Self. 3 of the 4 behaviors in this factor fall in women's 10 lowest rated behaviors.
The worse rated of the 31
behaviors is Coping w/one's own frustrations. We've worked w/women who've received poor ratings in this category during
our team building activities. Follow-up interviews w/team building participants indicate that often, women don't fair well
in this behavior because they're more likely voice their frustrations, openly sharing them w/others.
While releasing tension
& stress is encouraged as physiologically healthy, apparently, for women it comes at a price. Women are faulted
for this manner of releasing tension. And, they're not alone. Again, we refer to our team building experiences. Men who vocalize
their frustrations also receive poor scores in this area. You may recall that most of the women in this database were evaluated
by their male teammates & apparently, talking about one's problems, whether male or female, is viewed
as a shortcoming by men.
For the women in this study, Handling pressure,
another behavior in the Managing Self factor, ranked 26th out of the 31 behaviors. Obviously, this behavior is closely linked
to Coping w/frustration. Again, women seem to be the victim of the same line of thinking we discussed in the previous paragraph.
Apparently, if one talks about or reveals the pressure they're feeling, others will mark them down in
this behavior. Though revealing oneself to others may build trust, it appears that do so comes
at a price.
Men scored higher on two behaviors
only, Handling pressure and Coping with own frustration.
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thanks so much for sending me your e-mail address! i'm so glad you made it back to the site to see my message !!! read more within the site
- you have to begin to understand what the night eating disorder is all about so you can beat it!
one down & one to go!
a mom from puerto rico emailed me this past week and forgot to put her email
address in the box! the form was faulty & her email address failed there as well! sorry sorry sorry!!!!
please send me a new form & type your email address in the box! i'll reply asap!!!!
kathleen!
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